Step 3 Reflections

1.  How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
This was something I resisted in the past as I felt I was in control and coping very nicely thank you.  I was doing a great job running away from my pain and avoiding conflict until the pain/crises became too much for this strategy to work.  I realized I needed help.  The Higher Power is always there and won't let me down as people tend to - no-one can be all things to someone else although I certainly tried to be perfect.  I feel an amazing sense of relief since starting Al-Anon.  It is a huge burden lifted from my shoulders to understand that I don't have to do it all and am not responsible for the world.  I can let go of expectations for others and let them make their own mistakes and have their own joys and hope that perhaps they will find I'm not so awful after all.
2.  How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?  I feel the power at the meetings and I feel the power when I read the literature and do the work.  Insights just keep coming to me as my mind is finally open.  I believe this is my higher power speaking.  I think of it as God or maybe just my better self or the peace of the others in the program.
3.  Am I willing to try to turn my problems over?  What could help me to be willing?  Yes.  I have not solved them the way I've been going.  I am so glad to let it go although some days it is still a struggle.
4.  How can I stop thinking, trying, and considering, and actually make a decision?  I need to remember that so far it has all worked out - even when it's not the way I wanted to - whatever the situation was it has resolved, I have managed to get through.  My biggest enemy is my anxiety about the future, but that anxiety doesn't help me so I'm working hard to let it go and think of things to be grateful for in my life and notice something good about the present rather than dwelling on the past and agonizing over the future.  I need to pray for guidance for future decisions and let the answer come to me.
5.  Have I had a problem making decisions in my life?  Give examples.  Yes, because they always seem to be wrong, my choice of career, husband, school etc.  It always seemed they could have been better and resulted in a better life.  I wish many times that I had listened to other people's input but as it came across as unwanted advice, I didn't hear it.  I need to stop, think, listen and not let anxiety/crisis/drama take away my power to sort it all through.  Now I don't want to do things in the same way so I don't always trust myself either.  I have to listen to that voice and feel the real feeling.  Often something has told me - anger, resentment, headache, etc., but I usually didn't pay attention to it.
6.  If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?  At first, it was my training and fear that someone will make fun of me for being in this program and turning to a "crutch".  However, one of my insights last week is that everyone needs something to lean on at times.  Going it on my own or trying to force someone else's solution onto my life doesn't feel right and hasn't worked for me.
7.  Do I trust my Higher Power to care for me?  Yes - most of the time I feel the peace.  Sometimes I have to fight the old feelings off as I start getting anxious - particularly when it involves my children's lives.  I've been enmeshed in the old habits so long.  My son is particularly resistant to my making changes as he's the one who'll have to start taking up the slack.  He gets a lot out of doing nothing and feeling miserable.
8.  How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?  It allows me to back off and let consequences happen as they may without my trying to fix them unless they directly affect my life - such as I'll be the one dealing with a negative consequence such as losing money.  Otherwise, I need to mind my own business, stop feeling sorry that my kids aren't going the way I had envisioned, and keep positive thoughts that they will find a way to health and happiness as well as become self supporting in the next 5 years.  I don't need to fix everything for them.  This isn't good for any of us.
9.  What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?  I started feeling resentment about being the giver constantly but nothing coming back to me.  I also felt pretty constantly stressed and out of time.  I neglected myself, got fat, didn't do anything I liked doing, and felt generally miserable, out of control, powerless, and hopeless.
10.  When I "Let Go and Let God" take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?  I am willing to listen to that voice because I realize that when I have listened, things have turned out better.  When I don't listen, I regret it.  Some days will be harder than others.
11.  How can I turn a situation over and let go of the results?  I have to read the literature and remind myself rather than letting anxiety consume me.  I will ask for guidance and not a result because it is possible the result I am asking for is not in the plan for me.  I will practice breathing and if I'm in a particularly bad place, I will make a call to my future sponsor or someone on the Al-Anon list as well as attending a meeting.  I have made it a priority to go to at least one meeting per week.  If I am feeling overwhelmed, I will go to more meetings.  I will think of the slogans - just for today and concentrate on whatever I can do about the situation such as looking for a job if I lose mine, etc.  I can do something every day but leave what actually will happen to God.
12.  How can I stop myself from taking my will back?  I will follow the strategy above.  If I feel that I am reacting with no cause, I need to read the literature - finding passages that help for the particular issue and also remember to stop and think and breathe.  Then I will ask God to help me remove my need to control.
13.  What can I do when loved ones make decisions I don't like?  I need to step back and stay out of it.  I can be available for support and encouragement, but I must allow the consequences to fall as they may because if I don't, I am doing the loving thing and letting that person experience their own lessons in life and learn to become competent.
14.  How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?  I have to remind myself to step back and ask if it directly has a consequence to my well being and if not, I need to let go and allow them to search for their own way just as I once did and still do.
15.  What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?  I must breathe and relax; then let them be and trust that it will work out.  I can step back and look at their good qualities and realize they do have the skills to figure it out alone or they will ask for help.  I can't fix them and shouldn't try.  They are as they are for a reason and it is their path.
16.  How can I express God's will in my actions and words toward others, including the alcoholic?  I must control my emotional reactions and strive for peace and understanding.  They are in pain, having issues with their own feelings, and uncertain about their path.  I can pray that they will find their own way but not push for a crisis for them - just natural consequences of their behavior.  I can state my wishes/true feelings but that is it - no nagging or pushing.  I must maintain peace.