How do I feel about changing myself?

Relief, able to breathe, scared that I can't stay strong, worried that the world will fall apart if I back off :D, sleeping better, angry at myself if I didn't stay strong. 

I actually believe that others (particularly son) will resist my changing as being predictable is what they counted on from me.  I think some people in the group will leave, but I have to realize those weren't friends anyhow.  I think my son enjoys the upset and his control over me in some way, but I also think it hurts him as his heart is good.  He's depressed all the time and feels I haven't been a good parent.  That hurt and I accepted it for awhile until I thought of all the good I had done and then how I bent over backward to help me.  Yes, that part went too far.  It was my idea of how I was to be supportive and encouraging, but I have backed off a lot and have been letting him make choices and fall on his face.  I worry he won't ever get back up, but there are a lot of years of healing that could happen.  He's smart enough to figure out how to do things or to ask for help.  His sister is too.  Somehow I figured out how to do things even though my mother had pretty much done everything for me so if I could do it, they can also.  Every time I managed I felt stronger and more able to deal with the next thing - up until the waves of crises these past few years - then little things would send me over the edge.  If I'm not always going over the edge, I think life will be better.  I deserve a calmer life.  I thought I just had to endure until I could kick out my son at 18, but really I shouldn't have to endure.  He was holding it over my head about how I was legally responsible until then.  If he acts out at 18, I will let him feel the consequences but didn't feel I could until then - 3 months now.  However, I found Al-Anon and realized I can start making it better now and letting him experience some discomfort as well as learning to do more self care.

When I started getting in control of my eating 3 years ago, my husband sabotaged me at every turn.  I think he feared I would leave if I became healthier or that I would attract/find another man.

It's scary, but what I really feel most is an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort since starting this process.  I want to be healthy!  Although I must admit there is this little nagging ulterior motive of maybe if I'm better, the others will follow.  I realize I have to let go of that as that is controlling and influencing.  I have to say until I believe it that I am doing this for me and my sanity and health!  FOR ME  Of course, it's a great side benefit if they also start doing something positive with their lives - even if it's not the path I foresaw, but this is for me, for me, for me!!!!