Caretaking Behavior - Yes! felt responsible for others' choices and behavior, feel deeply for another's problem, try to fix it, feel angry when it's not appreciated, anticipate needs like always contacted daughter thinking she was out of gas/money - didn't wait for her to come to me, wondered why people didn't care about my big day, don't want to run son's errands but do it anyway, work hard to please people like dad, ex, son but often can't get a pleased response, sacrifice my wants, feel many years were wasted as kids didn't turn out, feel harried often - too much to do, stress out about things like taxes as I have to do them, feel used, excuse it by how needy person is
Low Self Worth (even though I usually don't feel that's the case, but on this checklist, I exhibit many of those symptoms) Yes - come from repressed family, grandma and dad didn't value girls, blamed myself for a lot and let other people blame me also, pick on my bad features esp. the weight I gained the second child, never think I'm quite good enough at my job - don't like to have people observe me for this reason, fear rejection, feel the part of powerless victim occasionally, sometimes feel I can't do anything right, life has sometimes seemed one big pain or crisis after another, feel good when help others, keep wishing something good would finally happen, sometimes feel need to prove myself - certain type of person sets this off but I'm not sure what vibes I get - seems they say something critical about the plan I've made or act patronizing, don't always feel like people like me
Repressed Feelings = somewhat true - don't always say what's on my mind for fear of reactions - after all I have physically been hurt for saying them
Obsession = Yes = feel terribly anxious about kids' problems and future - somewhat with reason due to illness, stalker, etc., talk a lot about other people's behavior, lose sleep to worry, check up on them because have not come through many times in past - like today I just know that if my son doesn't contact me that he blew off yet another appt. that he bullied me into making for him even after I said I wouldn't do appts. again. THIS TIME I have to stick to it and not listen to excuse about how bad he feels. I'm trying not to even call and ask. I want to be calm and say "you've made your choice; you live with the consequences".
Controlling = Yes try to control situations sometimes by crying; try to influence person to do what seems best for them - like go to the doctor or finish school; clean up after self
Denial = Yes - future will be better, stay super busy, avoid conflict; sometimes depressed
Dependency = meet about half of those characteristics described in Melody Beattie's book - didn't feel love/approval from father or ex husband, worry I'm not lovable in some way and look for the evidence of lack of invitations (however, I tend not to accept some that come my way), some people seem to provoke that feeling that I need to try to find a way to please them - not sure why - it's definitely not MOST people, but a few; believe many times that no-one will be there for me - will get tired of listening so I usually don't try; when I express myself sure they'll walk away as some have
Poor Communication: Yes - talk a lot but don't always put the true, underlying feeling out there for fear of ridicule (usually done by my family), that it will be deemed stupid, rejected; someone will be hurt by it
Weak Boundaries = Yes - let people walk on me too much, put up with too much but feel helpless and unable to determine what kind of consequence/response I should use; inconsistent
Lack of Trust = somewhat - never could make major decisions easily; now I don't trust that I can because I don't want to react/choose in the old way; sometimes reached out to people like Kathy - completely unable to be a friend
Anger = somewhat = mostly in the form of walking on eggshells and trying not to make ex or son angry, I gunnysack and blow once in awhile; traffic is a problem area for me; feel very resentful
Sex Problems = somewhat - not interested in my husband - too angry and disappointed with him, actually feel repulsed sometimes but not attracted to others; sometimes just fantasize about some hunky actor, want my husband out of my life at least 30% of the time
Miscellaneous: extremely responsible; martyr (like my predecesors); helpless response; can't let loose as easily these days, vaccillate in decisions and emotions; ashamed about problems, but no longer feel confused as to the nature/my involvement in the problems
Progressive: eating disorder - in recovery from overeating; sometimes depressed and hopeless, rest of those haven't happened yet
As I look at all these, I know that I am codependent and am glad it has a name. I'm making slow progress, but I definitely take 2 steps back for each forward movement. I have to stand firm mainly against my son. My husband whines, but I'm not getting sucked in by him as much. My son really abuses and uses. He knows my buttons and enjoys pushing them, but his success hurts him. I have to remember that. The most loving thing I can do is change.
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