1. Do I willingly share my experience, strength, and hope with those suffering from the disease of alcoholism? Yes. I try to share aspects of the programs with everyone who is in distress. I am working hard to look for a way to be a blessing to someone each day.
2. Do I ever face a tendency to be a know-it-all? I mistakenly typed ass instead of all! That certainly was a Freudian slip. My dad was one so I find them to be asses and dislike being around that behavior, but I am sure I must admit that once in awhile, I am one also. I try not to be prideful when sharing information I have. I like to see myself as a coach, but I know that in my mind I often make judgments about the rightness of someone's attitude, information, or level of knowledge. I would like to erase this character defect.
3. At meetings do I speak as an expert or as a fellow member? I still feel I don't know enough to be an expert and may never feel all that confident so I certainly speak only as a member. I am often surprised that anything I say is actually helpful to another as I don't feel I have much wisdom to impart.
4. What are the advantages of a fellowship of equals? the disadvantages? I like not feeling that there is a difference in rank as we can then talk honestly and not have to look to someone to be the leader. Disadvantage: someone may not step up to be a leader; decisions can be slow
5. Do I regard other members as experts, perhaps because they are longtime members, very charismatic, or professionals? I don't know the jobs of most people so that doesn't influence me, but I do see longtime members are experts. They definitely know the program better than I do. However, some of those can come across as know it alls which is a turn off. I think confronting someone for saying something that is not CAL is best done individually instead of making a fuss at the time in the meeting and embarrassing that person.
6. Do I ever hold back from sharing because I feel I don't know as much as others? Not usually. I share if I feel I need to and give others a chance the days when I don't need to speak. I was a bit anxious at first, but my need to heal was stronger than the anxiety.
7. What is the difference between Twelfth Step work and being a special worker? Special workers are paid to do a specific job. 12th step is my sharing what I know about what it is in the program that has worked for me. It is giving of my time to others without expecting anything in return.
8. Am I committed to paying our special workers a fair wage, or do I expect them to give a lot for free as Al-Anon members? They should be paid fairly for their time. 12th Step work is on their own time and should be separate from their job.
9. Do I understand what our local and WSO special workers do? I have a good idea - correspondence, organization of special events, complaint handling. I don't know specifics.
10. Do I feel the need to look good or be a perfect model of recovery? Does that stop me from being humble enough to get the help I need? I believe a small part of me would like that as I think I would best be able to help others, but at the same time I completely realize there is no perfect model and that I need help to heal and can ask for it. I can't do this alone. I will never be perfect. I will do my best and let God do the rest.
11. Is someone else's opinion more important than my own? Not really, but I do appreciate other insights as others see what I may not see. It is helpful to hear all opinions; then take what I like or feel will help me.
12. Am I ever Ms. Al-Anon? absolutely not
13. Am I ever judgmental? Yes, much more than I would ideally be. The thoughts just automatically pop into my head, and I must fight them. This is prideful behavior that needs to be eradicated.
14. Do I take others' inventories? Absolutely = mainly of those I interact with the most. No, it is never appropriate. It is a character defect I am working on. It takes the focus of my own improvement.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
long time no work 6-13-12
I can't easily get to a meeting this week as it's so busy plus I haven't been sleeping well again. In fact, I don't feel particularly great as my stomach feels like it's filled with air = maybe it's the food being provided, the sugar I've eaten, the supplements - just not sure.
I will be talking to Dale tonight so I'll probably go over the steps again. I need to do some work again such as the traditions and concepts so that I can get myself ready to be a decent sponsor. I am afraid about not measuring up or being helpful to another person.
I will be talking to Dale tonight so I'll probably go over the steps again. I need to do some work again such as the traditions and concepts so that I can get myself ready to be a decent sponsor. I am afraid about not measuring up or being helpful to another person.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Power Thoughts
1. Miracles come in "Cans".
2. I can. I will.
3. God loves me unconditionally, and I am right with God.
4. I am an unrepeatable miracle.
5. I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.
6. The holy spirit lives within me.
7. I can be a blessing to others.
8. I am slow to offend and quick to forgive.
9. God has an amazing plan for my life. I need not worry.
10. I will not fear.
11. I can be pitiful, or I can be powerful. I cannot be both. I choose to be powerful.
12. I am talented, gifted, a child of the most high God.
13. I can do it all with a smile on my face.
14. I will treasure each day as if it were my last.
15. I will tell my family I love them as often as I can.
16. I can lose weight.
17. I will live in joy.
2. I can. I will.
3. God loves me unconditionally, and I am right with God.
4. I am an unrepeatable miracle.
5. I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.
6. The holy spirit lives within me.
7. I can be a blessing to others.
8. I am slow to offend and quick to forgive.
9. God has an amazing plan for my life. I need not worry.
10. I will not fear.
11. I can be pitiful, or I can be powerful. I cannot be both. I choose to be powerful.
12. I am talented, gifted, a child of the most high God.
13. I can do it all with a smile on my face.
14. I will treasure each day as if it were my last.
15. I will tell my family I love them as often as I can.
16. I can lose weight.
17. I will live in joy.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Interview Prep
How frustrating that I lost all the other work that I did!
Leadership area CAR: Set up new programs at SVC and Sedro-Woolley - school and wider community involvement; because I wanted to keep up with my languages I had the idea to set up a language exchange, day long shadow, keypals and conversation partner program. I had to design a way to market the programs, help students get started; then check in with them periodically as well as some get togethers to keep the program alive. Results: students learned from each other - South/North Korea; typical day in the other culture, that there is still a lot of prejudice out there, practiced language and friendships developed so int'l students felt less isolated. One student even decided to convince parents to be a host family.
Event organizer: SVC activities, Japanese Club, Outdoor Group, friends - lots of details to give everyone a great experience
Learned Flexibility: Organized a trip to Mt. Baker; person called 8:30 a.m. to say couldn't make it; that person was to drive etc.; just wasn't sure she could go. I told her that if she couldn't go, it was her responsiblity to find another driver/food contribution since I was working and was not the one who couldn't go. She didn't drop out, but there have been other times when I needed to be completely flexible and change all details at the last minute.
Most Difficult Events at Work: Student Death SVC; Chrysalis, stalker, kid with creative homework stories/his angry father
Good Qualities:
Caring:
Dependable: don't miss work unless child emergency or truly sick
Developed positive attitude/feel like I can connect to children and adults due to some tragic and joyous life experiences giving me empathy I could not have had without those.
Strategic Planning CAR: I started at SWHS without any real teacher training one day before school and walked into a classroom in shambles. I put it together in a pleasing fashion, worked on lesson plans for the first week, made and copied syllabi, and then worked through many evenings and weekends to come up with a curriculum: I started with surveys and other get to know types of activities designed to build rapport with me and their fellow students (name game in language, icebreakers, how do you learn best . . . ), developed learning goals for each lesson, each unit, each quarter, each semester, and a checklist for each quarter - one students could use; designed activities for each theme; then put together informal and formal assessments for learning. I set up a suggestion box with the proviso that it be positive, and I would incorporate their suggestions. I had them check each other's work using rubrics so that they could get better at self correction. I had them evaluate me, whether the lesson met the goal for them that week, what was still confusing, what they felt they understood well. Students met those goals. I had very few fail because I would invite them for academic help and informal chats about life.
Problem Solving CAR: As you can imagine, not having teacher training before my first ever high school class meant I had to figure out classroom management quickly. I explored several options just to see how they would work and kept track of how much on task time there was. I eventually found that seating charts with partners and groups of 4 that rotated every two weeks seemed to work best to start the year. I could motivate students by saying that if they did well all week, they could sit by friends on Fridays as long as they were able to be reasonably on task. Another practice that worked well was if they worked hard all week, we would have a quiz Friday and after that, we could do something fun such as a game in the language, a craft, or part of a movie. Most of the time students were on task. I do ongoing evaluations so that students have input, and I do my best to incorporate all relevant feedback.
**Motivated Abilities:
1. Organizing Events/Planning Activities
2. Chatting about life informally; mutual learning and sharing of ways to be positive about life's challenges and problem solving = mentoring others - love to help people learn new jobs, skills, etc.
3. Studying and Sharing languages and cultures
4. Self improvement
5. Read and Write
6. Outdoor programs
**30 Second Pitch:
I have over 15 years of experience in teaching and advising. What I really enjoy is planning activities, interacting with others, mentoring others, sharing languages and cultures, and learning from other people (including my students) as I feel we are all works in progress. There is no point at which we are masters and done learning and improving what we do. I have lots of energy and like to get students moving and being active and laughing. The best moments are when we are having fun in this dance of learning. I will share things I have done in certain situations as appropriate if I feel it will help them on their journey through life.
As a result, I have been able to establish rapport with students and motivate and encourage them to learn a new language. I make it as fun and interesting as possible by sharing anecdotes of life in other cultures and entertaining mistakes I have made as well as adding games, music, interactive online programs, and projects.
**The shorter version of the above:
I assist students to become lifelong learners, develop good study skills for any subject, and in particular develop foundational skills in the language - enough to be able to communicate and beyond depending on how many years they study.
Most school mission statements include:
1. inspire excellence
2. develop intellectual curiosity
3. multicultural understanding and acceptance
4. act responsibly
5. develop critical thinking
6 connect the dots
7. foster compassionate community
I model intellectual curiosity as whenever someone talks about something I don't know, I ask about it and say how fun it is to learn something new daily or if no-one knows anything about some reference in a current event, etc., I say "who wants to find out about that and report back" I will have groups take over a topic to share with the group or do a 10-minute teach on a grammar point as teaching promotes deeper learning. Enthusiasm in contagious.
Critical thinking: applying rules to real life situations; understand the whys behind different cultural viewpoints, memorizing stimulates the brain
Connect dots: language and culture go together, learn history, art, geography, music, and literature as part of language study; the grammar and vocab helps them with English
Act responsibly: learn to relate to partners or members of group you don't necessary like; rotate leadership of group, work on motivating others to do their share, build knowledge to be informed citizens; class is not always about content but is person centered - look for teachable moments
Compassion: think about the effect of your actions upon others
Multicultural: compare/contrast other world viewpoints; explore your personal feelings and values and look at what is the same with others and what could be different; develop respect for differences and think how boring life would be if we were all the same.
Excellence: having the courage to say "I don't know. Let's find out together". Encourage quality over quantity in homework/tasks for class - positive comments about their strengths and encourage in one area of improvement; then move to another area. Model excellence in my preparation and integrity.
Leadership area CAR: Set up new programs at SVC and Sedro-Woolley - school and wider community involvement; because I wanted to keep up with my languages I had the idea to set up a language exchange, day long shadow, keypals and conversation partner program. I had to design a way to market the programs, help students get started; then check in with them periodically as well as some get togethers to keep the program alive. Results: students learned from each other - South/North Korea; typical day in the other culture, that there is still a lot of prejudice out there, practiced language and friendships developed so int'l students felt less isolated. One student even decided to convince parents to be a host family.
Event organizer: SVC activities, Japanese Club, Outdoor Group, friends - lots of details to give everyone a great experience
Learned Flexibility: Organized a trip to Mt. Baker; person called 8:30 a.m. to say couldn't make it; that person was to drive etc.; just wasn't sure she could go. I told her that if she couldn't go, it was her responsiblity to find another driver/food contribution since I was working and was not the one who couldn't go. She didn't drop out, but there have been other times when I needed to be completely flexible and change all details at the last minute.
Most Difficult Events at Work: Student Death SVC; Chrysalis, stalker, kid with creative homework stories/his angry father
Good Qualities:
Caring:
Dependable: don't miss work unless child emergency or truly sick
Developed positive attitude/feel like I can connect to children and adults due to some tragic and joyous life experiences giving me empathy I could not have had without those.
Strategic Planning CAR: I started at SWHS without any real teacher training one day before school and walked into a classroom in shambles. I put it together in a pleasing fashion, worked on lesson plans for the first week, made and copied syllabi, and then worked through many evenings and weekends to come up with a curriculum: I started with surveys and other get to know types of activities designed to build rapport with me and their fellow students (name game in language, icebreakers, how do you learn best . . . ), developed learning goals for each lesson, each unit, each quarter, each semester, and a checklist for each quarter - one students could use; designed activities for each theme; then put together informal and formal assessments for learning. I set up a suggestion box with the proviso that it be positive, and I would incorporate their suggestions. I had them check each other's work using rubrics so that they could get better at self correction. I had them evaluate me, whether the lesson met the goal for them that week, what was still confusing, what they felt they understood well. Students met those goals. I had very few fail because I would invite them for academic help and informal chats about life.
Problem Solving CAR: As you can imagine, not having teacher training before my first ever high school class meant I had to figure out classroom management quickly. I explored several options just to see how they would work and kept track of how much on task time there was. I eventually found that seating charts with partners and groups of 4 that rotated every two weeks seemed to work best to start the year. I could motivate students by saying that if they did well all week, they could sit by friends on Fridays as long as they were able to be reasonably on task. Another practice that worked well was if they worked hard all week, we would have a quiz Friday and after that, we could do something fun such as a game in the language, a craft, or part of a movie. Most of the time students were on task. I do ongoing evaluations so that students have input, and I do my best to incorporate all relevant feedback.
**Motivated Abilities:
1. Organizing Events/Planning Activities
2. Chatting about life informally; mutual learning and sharing of ways to be positive about life's challenges and problem solving = mentoring others - love to help people learn new jobs, skills, etc.
3. Studying and Sharing languages and cultures
4. Self improvement
5. Read and Write
6. Outdoor programs
**30 Second Pitch:
I have over 15 years of experience in teaching and advising. What I really enjoy is planning activities, interacting with others, mentoring others, sharing languages and cultures, and learning from other people (including my students) as I feel we are all works in progress. There is no point at which we are masters and done learning and improving what we do. I have lots of energy and like to get students moving and being active and laughing. The best moments are when we are having fun in this dance of learning. I will share things I have done in certain situations as appropriate if I feel it will help them on their journey through life.
As a result, I have been able to establish rapport with students and motivate and encourage them to learn a new language. I make it as fun and interesting as possible by sharing anecdotes of life in other cultures and entertaining mistakes I have made as well as adding games, music, interactive online programs, and projects.
**The shorter version of the above:
I assist students to become lifelong learners, develop good study skills for any subject, and in particular develop foundational skills in the language - enough to be able to communicate and beyond depending on how many years they study.
Most school mission statements include:
1. inspire excellence
2. develop intellectual curiosity
3. multicultural understanding and acceptance
4. act responsibly
5. develop critical thinking
6 connect the dots
7. foster compassionate community
I model intellectual curiosity as whenever someone talks about something I don't know, I ask about it and say how fun it is to learn something new daily or if no-one knows anything about some reference in a current event, etc., I say "who wants to find out about that and report back" I will have groups take over a topic to share with the group or do a 10-minute teach on a grammar point as teaching promotes deeper learning. Enthusiasm in contagious.
Critical thinking: applying rules to real life situations; understand the whys behind different cultural viewpoints, memorizing stimulates the brain
Connect dots: language and culture go together, learn history, art, geography, music, and literature as part of language study; the grammar and vocab helps them with English
Act responsibly: learn to relate to partners or members of group you don't necessary like; rotate leadership of group, work on motivating others to do their share, build knowledge to be informed citizens; class is not always about content but is person centered - look for teachable moments
Compassion: think about the effect of your actions upon others
Multicultural: compare/contrast other world viewpoints; explore your personal feelings and values and look at what is the same with others and what could be different; develop respect for differences and think how boring life would be if we were all the same.
Excellence: having the courage to say "I don't know. Let's find out together". Encourage quality over quantity in homework/tasks for class - positive comments about their strengths and encourage in one area of improvement; then move to another area. Model excellence in my preparation and integrity.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tradition Seven: Every Group Ought to Be Self-Supporting, Declining Outside Contributions
1. What does fully self supporting mean to me? It means that we pay our own way. We do not look to outside agencies to pay for our group. Each of us does our best to contribute equally.
2. How do I support my group? I put in money each week plus I do some service work. Eventually, I will take on a bigger chunk of service work if possible. I have another group that takes a lot of my time. I put both time and money into it. I encourage others to share the cost by paying minimal dues each year as well as asking them to put activities on the calendar.
3. What can I do this week to contibute to the support of my gorup and to myself? I can maintain spending boundaries with the help of God's strength, and I can chip in my usual money each week. I can help with clean up and set up.
4. Do I consider the group needs when I contribute? Am I willing to toss in a little extra to help someone attend a conference etc.? Yes, I put in extra when someone calls for it - not too much because that would lead to someone else being resentful or perhaps my own pride.
5. Do I personally contribute to the WSO triannual appeal? I will when it comes around again. I have supported the group by going to at least one of the annual fund raising events.
6. If members of my group do not understand the triannual appeal, am I willing to explain it? Sure - once I also know exactly what it is about.
7. Does my group pay a fair rent and have enough literature? It seems our rent is fair; we tend to have several copies of pamphlets and books on hand. We just ordered more literature and paid for the GR to go to Seabeck.
8. Do I encourage business meetings for my group? I don't set them up or pay close attention to when, but I do try to stay when I am able. I have attended most of them.
9. In what ways other than financial do I support my group? I set up a retreat for a few people and may try to have a bigger one sometime. I help clean up and sometimes to set up. I am there weekly. I have provided rides on several occasions. I also chair from time to time.
10. What benefits have I received when I volunteer? It is a good feeling to do something for others.
11. How often do we rotate service positions? I believe I heard it was every 3 years, but the GR seems to change more often than that. Chairing changes each week. Do we expect a few people to hold up the rest of us? It does seem to be the same people involved.
12. What could I do to encourage less active members to get involved? Am I as active as I would like to be? I am as active as I can be seeing as how my outdoor group is a huge commitment as are family and work obligations. I tend to stress out if I do much more than this. That said, I feel I "should" be more active. I try to encourage members of the outdoor group to get involved by deliberately not volunteering to host everything. I will help them with ideas and setting up an activity and answer questions. I also solicit ideas from others. Still I find that most people are content to sit back and let others do the work and carry the responsibility. I'm just not letting myself stress out about it anymore. I can try reaching out to individuals, but I feel that often they step up out of guilt; then don't come through. It's a tricky time in society as many just feel overwhelmed already.
13. Do we expect members to use personal funds to purchase coffee and other supplies? I don't believe so.
14. Do I support all parts of Al-Anon? I do go to annual fundraisers and believe those funds are for the wider good of our district and WSO, but I need to get more educated.
15. What does my group do to support district, WSO? We send reps and have people in district positions. We have separate contribution baskets for certain fund drives. What benefits do we get from membership in WSO? We can expect help anywhere we might go.
16. Do I subscribe to the Forum? No. Do I purchase gift subscriptions? No.
17. Does my group have a Treasurer who gives reports? Yes. I hear some reports but am not always at the same meetings. Do we have a prudent reserve? Yes. I have heard Donna talk about it. We are not stockpiling moneys for no reason.
18. Do I understand the spiritual aspects of contributing? Yes. I know it is important to take self responsibility in order to have self respect.
19. Is my self-worth based on how much others need me? No, but I know it is a good feeling to be needed and to feel that people like to be around me so I do believe that in some part my self worth comes from being able to be a blessing to others. I do not encourage others to become dependent on me, though. I try to help them become independent.
20. Am I afraid of letting go? It is a challenge for me. Letting go of worry and the need to fix is challenging, but I want to be free.
21. Do I realized I can't have the respect of others if I don't stand on my own two feet? Yes. I am overly responsible in this area to the point where asking anything of others is a challenge.
22. Do I contribute to my own well-being? Am I fully self supporting? Do I expect to remain so? I do. I am doing my best to get enough work to maintain independence from others and maintain a prudent reserve in finances. Maintaining boundaries is getting a bit better. I would not call myself self supporting as I need my husband's income to maintain what we have. I feel burdened by stuff and don't really want the big house unless we can share it with compatible others to help pay for it. Trouble is there weren't much cheaper options at the time and I was stuck in the idea I could entertain, etc. with a nice house. I no longer care much about that and wish we weren't house poor.
23. Can I accept and express my feelings to others without feeling bad about it or justifying? I am learning to do this. I would have said no 15 months ago.
24. Do I take responsiblity for my own feelings and not blame them on others? I am improving in this regard also.
25. Is my happiness circumstance dependent or am I looking to myself for fulfillment? I can still get pulled around a bit by the desires and feelings of others, but I am working toward freedom from this and self growth by the help of God.
2. How do I support my group? I put in money each week plus I do some service work. Eventually, I will take on a bigger chunk of service work if possible. I have another group that takes a lot of my time. I put both time and money into it. I encourage others to share the cost by paying minimal dues each year as well as asking them to put activities on the calendar.
3. What can I do this week to contibute to the support of my gorup and to myself? I can maintain spending boundaries with the help of God's strength, and I can chip in my usual money each week. I can help with clean up and set up.
4. Do I consider the group needs when I contribute? Am I willing to toss in a little extra to help someone attend a conference etc.? Yes, I put in extra when someone calls for it - not too much because that would lead to someone else being resentful or perhaps my own pride.
5. Do I personally contribute to the WSO triannual appeal? I will when it comes around again. I have supported the group by going to at least one of the annual fund raising events.
6. If members of my group do not understand the triannual appeal, am I willing to explain it? Sure - once I also know exactly what it is about.
7. Does my group pay a fair rent and have enough literature? It seems our rent is fair; we tend to have several copies of pamphlets and books on hand. We just ordered more literature and paid for the GR to go to Seabeck.
8. Do I encourage business meetings for my group? I don't set them up or pay close attention to when, but I do try to stay when I am able. I have attended most of them.
9. In what ways other than financial do I support my group? I set up a retreat for a few people and may try to have a bigger one sometime. I help clean up and sometimes to set up. I am there weekly. I have provided rides on several occasions. I also chair from time to time.
10. What benefits have I received when I volunteer? It is a good feeling to do something for others.
11. How often do we rotate service positions? I believe I heard it was every 3 years, but the GR seems to change more often than that. Chairing changes each week. Do we expect a few people to hold up the rest of us? It does seem to be the same people involved.
12. What could I do to encourage less active members to get involved? Am I as active as I would like to be? I am as active as I can be seeing as how my outdoor group is a huge commitment as are family and work obligations. I tend to stress out if I do much more than this. That said, I feel I "should" be more active. I try to encourage members of the outdoor group to get involved by deliberately not volunteering to host everything. I will help them with ideas and setting up an activity and answer questions. I also solicit ideas from others. Still I find that most people are content to sit back and let others do the work and carry the responsibility. I'm just not letting myself stress out about it anymore. I can try reaching out to individuals, but I feel that often they step up out of guilt; then don't come through. It's a tricky time in society as many just feel overwhelmed already.
13. Do we expect members to use personal funds to purchase coffee and other supplies? I don't believe so.
14. Do I support all parts of Al-Anon? I do go to annual fundraisers and believe those funds are for the wider good of our district and WSO, but I need to get more educated.
15. What does my group do to support district, WSO? We send reps and have people in district positions. We have separate contribution baskets for certain fund drives. What benefits do we get from membership in WSO? We can expect help anywhere we might go.
16. Do I subscribe to the Forum? No. Do I purchase gift subscriptions? No.
17. Does my group have a Treasurer who gives reports? Yes. I hear some reports but am not always at the same meetings. Do we have a prudent reserve? Yes. I have heard Donna talk about it. We are not stockpiling moneys for no reason.
18. Do I understand the spiritual aspects of contributing? Yes. I know it is important to take self responsibility in order to have self respect.
19. Is my self-worth based on how much others need me? No, but I know it is a good feeling to be needed and to feel that people like to be around me so I do believe that in some part my self worth comes from being able to be a blessing to others. I do not encourage others to become dependent on me, though. I try to help them become independent.
20. Am I afraid of letting go? It is a challenge for me. Letting go of worry and the need to fix is challenging, but I want to be free.
21. Do I realized I can't have the respect of others if I don't stand on my own two feet? Yes. I am overly responsible in this area to the point where asking anything of others is a challenge.
22. Do I contribute to my own well-being? Am I fully self supporting? Do I expect to remain so? I do. I am doing my best to get enough work to maintain independence from others and maintain a prudent reserve in finances. Maintaining boundaries is getting a bit better. I would not call myself self supporting as I need my husband's income to maintain what we have. I feel burdened by stuff and don't really want the big house unless we can share it with compatible others to help pay for it. Trouble is there weren't much cheaper options at the time and I was stuck in the idea I could entertain, etc. with a nice house. I no longer care much about that and wish we weren't house poor.
23. Can I accept and express my feelings to others without feeling bad about it or justifying? I am learning to do this. I would have said no 15 months ago.
24. Do I take responsiblity for my own feelings and not blame them on others? I am improving in this regard also.
25. Is my happiness circumstance dependent or am I looking to myself for fulfillment? I can still get pulled around a bit by the desires and feelings of others, but I am working toward freedom from this and self growth by the help of God.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Tradition Six: Our AFG ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise
1. Why do we not "endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise? How is this principle used in our business meetings? It would be like advice giving. It could backfire as it is our opinion as to its worth, but it may not be a good choice for others. We do not put other recovery programs in our literature or discuss them as part of our business.
2. Has my group ever had problems with money or property? How were those problems resolved? Not to my knowledge.
3. Have I or any member of my group allowed prestige to divert us from our primary spiritual aim? When? Why? What did we change? Not that I can see.
4. How does my group cooperate with AA? When? I believe the annual picnic is open to AA members.
5. In planning a group fund-raising activity, has my group considered this Tradition? As nearly as I can tell from 15 months with the group, it follows this Tradition well.
6. Does my group have CAL prominently displayed? Yes. Do I use CAL in my personal recovery? Yes.
7. Does my group sell or promote outside literature? No. How does this violate Tradition 6? We cannot include it in meetings. Do I have the courage to discuss the use of literature at a meeting? I have never had to or sometimes don't recognize if it's outside. Viki brought it up when someone read from the "promises".
8. How do I consider cooperation with AA in my service work? I would be happy to help with AA if asked. My daughter is quite active there. I wanted to join some of the hikes with them.
9. Why should group funds support only Al-Anon programs? It is important to support our program only because we need to have the funds to help families of alcoholics as our primary purpose. If there is extra, we can provide scholarships to Al-Anon events.
10. Has our group phone list ever been used for promotional purposes? No.
11. How can I discourage members, without embarrassing them, from bringing outside enterprises into our meetings? Personally, I would take the member aside after the meeting or at some point reiterate to the group in general what the policy is but not right after someone has shared as I saw what happens when that was done a few weeks ago. I don't think that person will ever return. I thought it was done respectfully, but it didn't need all the back and forth for 30 minutes.
12. Am I allowing material or financial concerns to gain priority over my personal spiritual needs and serenity? Sometimes. It is hard not to be a bit anxious in this economy, but I get busy working the program whenever I begin to worry about my job or other financial concersn.
13. Am I allowing personal problems or successes to overwhelm me? Am I letting them get in the way of how I treat others? This is a timely reminder that no matter what is happening I need to take a minute to recompose myself and be sure to treat others kindly rather than getting thick into obsession and not pay attention to the other person. I do sometimes still let myself get overwhelmed. Right now I feel pressure about finances, worry about Sequim bank, and getting son to treatment and back to school and a life.
14. How can I apply our slogan "Live and Let Live" to this tradition? I follow my program and remember to only talk about Al-Anon at meetings. I can do other things to help myself, but they do not have a place in Al-Anon meetings.
15. How can I apply our slogan "Let Go and Let God"? I need to let worries about Al-Anon service etc rest with God who strengthens me. He will take my cares and let me know when I need to take action and what kind of action to take.
16. How do I help my group meet our primary spiritual aim? I share what in Al-Anon has helped me with my group in the hopes that by sharing and giving support to others they will experience the healing power I have found in these rooms.
17. When participatin at an AA convention or roundup, do Al-Anon members have badges or logs from Al-Anon? I don't know. I have no experience with this.
2. Has my group ever had problems with money or property? How were those problems resolved? Not to my knowledge.
3. Have I or any member of my group allowed prestige to divert us from our primary spiritual aim? When? Why? What did we change? Not that I can see.
4. How does my group cooperate with AA? When? I believe the annual picnic is open to AA members.
5. In planning a group fund-raising activity, has my group considered this Tradition? As nearly as I can tell from 15 months with the group, it follows this Tradition well.
6. Does my group have CAL prominently displayed? Yes. Do I use CAL in my personal recovery? Yes.
7. Does my group sell or promote outside literature? No. How does this violate Tradition 6? We cannot include it in meetings. Do I have the courage to discuss the use of literature at a meeting? I have never had to or sometimes don't recognize if it's outside. Viki brought it up when someone read from the "promises".
8. How do I consider cooperation with AA in my service work? I would be happy to help with AA if asked. My daughter is quite active there. I wanted to join some of the hikes with them.
9. Why should group funds support only Al-Anon programs? It is important to support our program only because we need to have the funds to help families of alcoholics as our primary purpose. If there is extra, we can provide scholarships to Al-Anon events.
10. Has our group phone list ever been used for promotional purposes? No.
11. How can I discourage members, without embarrassing them, from bringing outside enterprises into our meetings? Personally, I would take the member aside after the meeting or at some point reiterate to the group in general what the policy is but not right after someone has shared as I saw what happens when that was done a few weeks ago. I don't think that person will ever return. I thought it was done respectfully, but it didn't need all the back and forth for 30 minutes.
12. Am I allowing material or financial concerns to gain priority over my personal spiritual needs and serenity? Sometimes. It is hard not to be a bit anxious in this economy, but I get busy working the program whenever I begin to worry about my job or other financial concersn.
13. Am I allowing personal problems or successes to overwhelm me? Am I letting them get in the way of how I treat others? This is a timely reminder that no matter what is happening I need to take a minute to recompose myself and be sure to treat others kindly rather than getting thick into obsession and not pay attention to the other person. I do sometimes still let myself get overwhelmed. Right now I feel pressure about finances, worry about Sequim bank, and getting son to treatment and back to school and a life.
14. How can I apply our slogan "Live and Let Live" to this tradition? I follow my program and remember to only talk about Al-Anon at meetings. I can do other things to help myself, but they do not have a place in Al-Anon meetings.
15. How can I apply our slogan "Let Go and Let God"? I need to let worries about Al-Anon service etc rest with God who strengthens me. He will take my cares and let me know when I need to take action and what kind of action to take.
16. How do I help my group meet our primary spiritual aim? I share what in Al-Anon has helped me with my group in the hopes that by sharing and giving support to others they will experience the healing power I have found in these rooms.
17. When participatin at an AA convention or roundup, do Al-Anon members have badges or logs from Al-Anon? I don't know. I have no experience with this.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Tradition Five: our purpose
1. How do I describe our primary purpose in a meeting? to a newcomer? I would say that our purpose is to support each other in our efforts to change our own thinking and behavior. By doing so, everyone around us could be helped but certainly we will begin to feel better.
2. Do I put my recovery first, ahead of others' needs? When? How? Usually. I do not decide not to go to a meeting because a child/husband wants me to do something. I work on my program daily - even if it is not as much as I would like to do. I realize that if I do nothing, I spin out of control again.
3. Do I realize that welcoming and comforting is not limited to newcomers? Why? Yes. I attempt to be kind to other people in all parts of my life. I also need to beware of cliquish behavior. I may feel closer to some people in Al-Anon, but it is important to share and be kind and inclusive to all.
4. Am I welcoming to all newcomers , no matter what their problems? How can I guide them to focus on the alcohol-related aspect of those problems? I remind myself always to greet and say a welcome. I tend to be shy, but I think sometimes that gives off an unwelcoming vibe; therefore, I am pushing myself to have a friendly smile. I can ask what is going on in their lives and give them a time to vent; then suggest some work in the books to help them move away from complaining.
5. How can I be more "newcomer" friendly? I need to keep pushing myself to take the time to talk to them after a meeting and say again "welcome; keep coming back".
6. How do I welcome long time members or those who have come back after a long absence? I always say that "it is good to see you again" and ask about how things are going. I have a friendly smile for all.
7. How might my group give newcomers individual attention? We have a newcomers' blurb, but it might be good to decide ahead who will share step 1 so there's no lag plus I have heard that bigger groups have a special newcomers' group - someone volunteers to take them to another room and talk about the program in more depth. I would have found that useful. I bought the books and kind of oriented myself.
8. Do I ever call newcomers or someone who has been missing from the group? Yes, I did that but only once. I felt a particular connection with her. She has never returned but had told me she would. I am reminded of Joel's last sermon in which he told us to "sic" the prodigals. He said if we notice someone missing, we need to contact them and say "We miss you. We need you. We love you". I think I need to try to do something like that at least once a week. I have not done well with the other member calls. I am good about keeping the time with my sponsor but not so great about contacting others.
9. As a group, how do we use steps and traditions to help families of alcoholics? Each meeting has a theme. Each month there is one meeting devoted to a step and one to a tradition. By doing this, all steps and traditions are explored. I believe this is wonderful for all of us as it gives us more insight into how others have worked them.
10. What can we do as a group to make our fellowship known to those outside of Al-Anon? We help with the phone tree so that if someone calls needing info, we can give info about the program and the meeting schedule. Once we are well into healing, I believe that people will want what we have: positive attitude. If people asked me about the changes, I tell them. I also will tell anyone who confesses a problem with alcohol in a relative or friend as I think sometimes people don't know about the help that is out there.
11. How can I help others understand that alcoholism is a disease? I will share this information whenever I hear someone say something that shows they are misinformed. It may not change their mind, but the seeds have been at least planted. When there is a celebrity rehab, I will talk about that person with compassion not the awful gossip or put downs most will use.
12. What does comfort mean to me? How can I extend that to another? Comfort means feeling listened to and understood. A knowing look, a kind word, a hug . . . these are all part of it for me. When people nod when I talk, I know I am not alone. I can listen to others and nod because I do understand. I can be there for that phone call or some other service.
13. What does encouraging the alcoholic mean to me? How might I react differently if the diseased person in my life had diabetes or cancer? Encouraging means being respectful and not nagging all the time. I need to say my opinion once; then let it be. Shaming does not work. There would be no shame if the person had another illness. Being kind.
2. Do I put my recovery first, ahead of others' needs? When? How? Usually. I do not decide not to go to a meeting because a child/husband wants me to do something. I work on my program daily - even if it is not as much as I would like to do. I realize that if I do nothing, I spin out of control again.
3. Do I realize that welcoming and comforting is not limited to newcomers? Why? Yes. I attempt to be kind to other people in all parts of my life. I also need to beware of cliquish behavior. I may feel closer to some people in Al-Anon, but it is important to share and be kind and inclusive to all.
4. Am I welcoming to all newcomers , no matter what their problems? How can I guide them to focus on the alcohol-related aspect of those problems? I remind myself always to greet and say a welcome. I tend to be shy, but I think sometimes that gives off an unwelcoming vibe; therefore, I am pushing myself to have a friendly smile. I can ask what is going on in their lives and give them a time to vent; then suggest some work in the books to help them move away from complaining.
5. How can I be more "newcomer" friendly? I need to keep pushing myself to take the time to talk to them after a meeting and say again "welcome; keep coming back".
6. How do I welcome long time members or those who have come back after a long absence? I always say that "it is good to see you again" and ask about how things are going. I have a friendly smile for all.
7. How might my group give newcomers individual attention? We have a newcomers' blurb, but it might be good to decide ahead who will share step 1 so there's no lag plus I have heard that bigger groups have a special newcomers' group - someone volunteers to take them to another room and talk about the program in more depth. I would have found that useful. I bought the books and kind of oriented myself.
8. Do I ever call newcomers or someone who has been missing from the group? Yes, I did that but only once. I felt a particular connection with her. She has never returned but had told me she would. I am reminded of Joel's last sermon in which he told us to "sic" the prodigals. He said if we notice someone missing, we need to contact them and say "We miss you. We need you. We love you". I think I need to try to do something like that at least once a week. I have not done well with the other member calls. I am good about keeping the time with my sponsor but not so great about contacting others.
9. As a group, how do we use steps and traditions to help families of alcoholics? Each meeting has a theme. Each month there is one meeting devoted to a step and one to a tradition. By doing this, all steps and traditions are explored. I believe this is wonderful for all of us as it gives us more insight into how others have worked them.
10. What can we do as a group to make our fellowship known to those outside of Al-Anon? We help with the phone tree so that if someone calls needing info, we can give info about the program and the meeting schedule. Once we are well into healing, I believe that people will want what we have: positive attitude. If people asked me about the changes, I tell them. I also will tell anyone who confesses a problem with alcohol in a relative or friend as I think sometimes people don't know about the help that is out there.
11. How can I help others understand that alcoholism is a disease? I will share this information whenever I hear someone say something that shows they are misinformed. It may not change their mind, but the seeds have been at least planted. When there is a celebrity rehab, I will talk about that person with compassion not the awful gossip or put downs most will use.
12. What does comfort mean to me? How can I extend that to another? Comfort means feeling listened to and understood. A knowing look, a kind word, a hug . . . these are all part of it for me. When people nod when I talk, I know I am not alone. I can listen to others and nod because I do understand. I can be there for that phone call or some other service.
13. What does encouraging the alcoholic mean to me? How might I react differently if the diseased person in my life had diabetes or cancer? Encouraging means being respectful and not nagging all the time. I need to say my opinion once; then let it be. Shaming does not work. There would be no shame if the person had another illness. Being kind.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Step 12 Pathways Questions 3-16-12
1. Have I experienced a spiritual awakening? Yes. I feel peaceful much more often than I used to. I am often filled with love. I have better boundaries. I stay out of God's way with other people's lives. I pray for guidance and wait until something feels right. I am learning to respond to my own intuition. I feel the presence of God much more strongly. I focus on myself and my own improvement/growth. I engage in less of my defects such as fits about traffic, complaining, blaming, obsessing, anxiety=future tripping, lack of self control, need to control others.
2. In what ways do I downplay my spiritual growth? What can help me to acknowledge it? I don't feel like I downplay my growth.
3. What have I received from Al-Anon that I would most like to share! The peace that comes from knowing that I do not have to do it all without help. I cannot fix all problems.
4. What are the different ways I can carry this message to others? I can lead by example. If I am loving and peaceful, work hard to be a blessing to everyone each day, stop obsessing about time and problems, it is something others will want. I can continue to attend several meetings and share what helps me and be there to listen to those in pain. I can do some service work. I can use the principles in all my affairs - bringing serenity to my family and friends. I can be a sponsor. I can provide some financial support of the program. I can tell others visiting their loved ones in treatment about this program.
5. Did I see a friendly face early in my recovery? Yes - many! What can I do to be a friendly face to others? I can put on a welcoming face and give words of welcome and support. I can share how it felt to be new and how I feel now.
6. What is the difference between carrying the message and giving advice? I have no business giving advice because my solutions may not be someone else's. I can tell what I have learned and how I have coped and tell them to talk to many people about the program as it helps to hear the message from many and just encourage to keep coming back and working the program.
7. When trying to carry the message, what have I experienced? It feels good to share something that may help someone find his/her own way to recovery and a more peaceful state of being. By helping another, it helps me as I learn something from that person as well.
8. How can I recognize a cry for help without meddling in others' affairs? I can see pain and just be there to listen. I can talk about the program tools. I can say that all will be revealed. The solutions will come if follow the steps and use the tools. I cannot force Al-Anon on someone if they don't want it/aren't interested. I can continue to be loving and encouraging. My getting better may be what helps others be better.
9. How can I practice these principles in my job? Is my job merely a means of earning money or an opportunity to practice my recovery? I absolutely am working to apply these principles to my job. I am working on seeking the best in others and retaining peace and joy regardless of what happens. I am seeking to pull back from fixing or doing something for my students. I am looking for ways to empower them rather than to enable them to do nothing. I seek daily to be a blessing. I have changed my attitude from the job being something to be endured to looking for all the joy there is in working with that age group. I seek to be more honest and try to work out mutually beneficial solutions and look for reasons when I start to feel that pinch in my stomach that signals a battle of wills.
10. What does the Twelfth Step say to me about service work? I must be accountable for helping others find what I found. That means I need to give back in some way whether it be just going to meetings and helping set up or providing an opportunity for a retreat or an actual service position.
11. What part has service to Al-Anon played in my recovery? Maintaining that commitment to meetings and to time with my sponsor has assisted me with contining to work the program. I could have been lazy sometimes, but remembering that I have a responsibility to the group keeps me on track and continually working on growing and improving my attitude.
12. What would change if I viewed service as my goal in every area of my life? This is my ultimate goal. It takes the focus off me and my problems. I was so caught up in myself and worry that I didn't enjoy each day. I often didn't observe anything around me because of these obsessions and self pity. Service gets me out of myself and helps me to be a better person. I feel rewarded when someone smiles because I exist.
13. What are "these principals"? They are the steps, traditions, and concepts of Al-Anon - a blueprint for living life in a positive and healthy manner.
14. How can I apply them in my daily life? I can study the program materials, talk to others in the program, and see ways to use this program as my blueprint for a life well lived.
15. In what areas of my life do I need to apply these principles? What can I do this week to make a beginning? I can apply them to relationships, my job working with teens, and my hiking group. Basically, all areas of my life benefit from my following this way of life. An area where I could improve is in doing more program calls besides just the ones to my sponsor or my neighbor. A beginning would be to set a time to do one extra call per week.
16. How am I living the message of the program? I follow the guidelines and study daily to stretch myself into a better person. I have become grateful for each day. I am doing better at letting go and letting God. My defects are lessening. I intend to be in this for life - growing until the die I die. The serener and more joyful I become, the more people want to be around me and will want to know my secret :D.
17. How am I a good example of Al-Anon recovery? I am learning not to overreact anymore. I have learned to lessen complaining, judging/being critical, gossiping, developed an attitude of gratitude, am overcoming my obsessing with time and not being so resentful of interruptions. I am becoming more flexible and willing to do things for others without taking on responsibility for their lives. I am letting their problems be their programs and realizing that problems are there for growth. I cannot deprive someone of an opp for growth.
2. In what ways do I downplay my spiritual growth? What can help me to acknowledge it? I don't feel like I downplay my growth.
3. What have I received from Al-Anon that I would most like to share! The peace that comes from knowing that I do not have to do it all without help. I cannot fix all problems.
4. What are the different ways I can carry this message to others? I can lead by example. If I am loving and peaceful, work hard to be a blessing to everyone each day, stop obsessing about time and problems, it is something others will want. I can continue to attend several meetings and share what helps me and be there to listen to those in pain. I can do some service work. I can use the principles in all my affairs - bringing serenity to my family and friends. I can be a sponsor. I can provide some financial support of the program. I can tell others visiting their loved ones in treatment about this program.
5. Did I see a friendly face early in my recovery? Yes - many! What can I do to be a friendly face to others? I can put on a welcoming face and give words of welcome and support. I can share how it felt to be new and how I feel now.
6. What is the difference between carrying the message and giving advice? I have no business giving advice because my solutions may not be someone else's. I can tell what I have learned and how I have coped and tell them to talk to many people about the program as it helps to hear the message from many and just encourage to keep coming back and working the program.
7. When trying to carry the message, what have I experienced? It feels good to share something that may help someone find his/her own way to recovery and a more peaceful state of being. By helping another, it helps me as I learn something from that person as well.
8. How can I recognize a cry for help without meddling in others' affairs? I can see pain and just be there to listen. I can talk about the program tools. I can say that all will be revealed. The solutions will come if follow the steps and use the tools. I cannot force Al-Anon on someone if they don't want it/aren't interested. I can continue to be loving and encouraging. My getting better may be what helps others be better.
9. How can I practice these principles in my job? Is my job merely a means of earning money or an opportunity to practice my recovery? I absolutely am working to apply these principles to my job. I am working on seeking the best in others and retaining peace and joy regardless of what happens. I am seeking to pull back from fixing or doing something for my students. I am looking for ways to empower them rather than to enable them to do nothing. I seek daily to be a blessing. I have changed my attitude from the job being something to be endured to looking for all the joy there is in working with that age group. I seek to be more honest and try to work out mutually beneficial solutions and look for reasons when I start to feel that pinch in my stomach that signals a battle of wills.
10. What does the Twelfth Step say to me about service work? I must be accountable for helping others find what I found. That means I need to give back in some way whether it be just going to meetings and helping set up or providing an opportunity for a retreat or an actual service position.
11. What part has service to Al-Anon played in my recovery? Maintaining that commitment to meetings and to time with my sponsor has assisted me with contining to work the program. I could have been lazy sometimes, but remembering that I have a responsibility to the group keeps me on track and continually working on growing and improving my attitude.
12. What would change if I viewed service as my goal in every area of my life? This is my ultimate goal. It takes the focus off me and my problems. I was so caught up in myself and worry that I didn't enjoy each day. I often didn't observe anything around me because of these obsessions and self pity. Service gets me out of myself and helps me to be a better person. I feel rewarded when someone smiles because I exist.
13. What are "these principals"? They are the steps, traditions, and concepts of Al-Anon - a blueprint for living life in a positive and healthy manner.
14. How can I apply them in my daily life? I can study the program materials, talk to others in the program, and see ways to use this program as my blueprint for a life well lived.
15. In what areas of my life do I need to apply these principles? What can I do this week to make a beginning? I can apply them to relationships, my job working with teens, and my hiking group. Basically, all areas of my life benefit from my following this way of life. An area where I could improve is in doing more program calls besides just the ones to my sponsor or my neighbor. A beginning would be to set a time to do one extra call per week.
16. How am I living the message of the program? I follow the guidelines and study daily to stretch myself into a better person. I have become grateful for each day. I am doing better at letting go and letting God. My defects are lessening. I intend to be in this for life - growing until the die I die. The serener and more joyful I become, the more people want to be around me and will want to know my secret :D.
17. How am I a good example of Al-Anon recovery? I am learning not to overreact anymore. I have learned to lessen complaining, judging/being critical, gossiping, developed an attitude of gratitude, am overcoming my obsessing with time and not being so resentful of interruptions. I am becoming more flexible and willing to do things for others without taking on responsibility for their lives. I am letting their problems be their programs and realizing that problems are there for growth. I cannot deprive someone of an opp for growth.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Step 11 Pathways
Step 11 Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
1. How do I define the difference between prayer and meditation? Prayer is my talking to God. Meditation is taking the quiet time to listen for answers. Can I talk to sponsor or other Al-Anon friends about the difference? Yes.
2. Am I willing to try prayer and meditation today? I do this as often as possible. Sometimes I am not consistent enough about a daily routine as I believe starting and ending my day with consciously giving time to these two activities would be of immense help to me.
3. What can I do to add prayer and meditation to my life today? I can make the decision to set aside time each day at the exact same time to engage in both activities for at least 15 minutes at the beginning and end of the day.
4. Do I have a special time and place to pray and meditate? Think about it each day and set the time as sitting in front of someplace beautiful and quiet such as my window overlooking the lake (at home), campsite, or window at Sequim. I need to get up at 6 and give 15 minutes to this; each night after dinner another 15 minutes.
5. How have I sought to improve my conscious contact? I talk to God throughout the day and listen to spiritual music, soak up God's beauty, and listen to CDs in the car that talk very Al-Anon type talk - Joel and Joyce. It helps me reprogram my thoughts and win the battle of the mind. I can stay more upbeat by focusing on those words. Have I sought out help from my group? I have reached out to some members and am planning a retreat with them. I hope to establish an even stronger relationship and spend more time on retreats like this.
6. What personal spiritual experiences can I draw on to help me improve my conscious contact with God? I have felt his peace and answers come to me, I saw Jesus and felt his warmth, and I have had many experiences where the solution to the problem was right there.
7. What does it mean to me to pray only for God's will and not my own? I may not know what's best for me so it is best to ask for guidance and not specifics as perhaps what I want isn't really good for me right now. I need to trust that I am where I am supposed to be. How can I distinguish between God's will and my will? Usually God's will comes to me when I am quiet and receptive. I know exactly what I want so I can usually tell when it's my will. I get a good feeling when it's right.
8. How have I been mistaken about God's will? How has my self will caused me difficulties? I can't think of an instance of being mistake, but I do know that I am not always sure about the answer - is it me or God? I do know that I lived my life without asking for help or guidance and made a pretty good mess of it and lived down and discouraged - not what I want for myself.
9. How am I willing to be guided today? I usually ask for patience and to be a blessing to others each day. I also ask for guidance about specific situations facing me. However, I could ask for guidance much more - before every decision. I could also talk to Al-Anon members about those things. These days I tend to do and say nothing because I would rather do that than mess things up further.
10. Is something blocking me in this step today? What is it? I tend to be inconsistent. What steps can I review to help me feel connected today? Steps 1-3, 6-7, 10 work help me to refocus. 10 in particular is one I'd like to do everyday as I have a check in list as to how the day went.
11. What do I need to have the power to do this step? Mainly I need courage and consistency. Have I asked God for that power? Yes, I have. I also repeat to myself that "I will not fear" as well as other helpful slogans.
1. How do I define the difference between prayer and meditation? Prayer is my talking to God. Meditation is taking the quiet time to listen for answers. Can I talk to sponsor or other Al-Anon friends about the difference? Yes.
2. Am I willing to try prayer and meditation today? I do this as often as possible. Sometimes I am not consistent enough about a daily routine as I believe starting and ending my day with consciously giving time to these two activities would be of immense help to me.
3. What can I do to add prayer and meditation to my life today? I can make the decision to set aside time each day at the exact same time to engage in both activities for at least 15 minutes at the beginning and end of the day.
4. Do I have a special time and place to pray and meditate? Think about it each day and set the time as sitting in front of someplace beautiful and quiet such as my window overlooking the lake (at home), campsite, or window at Sequim. I need to get up at 6 and give 15 minutes to this; each night after dinner another 15 minutes.
5. How have I sought to improve my conscious contact? I talk to God throughout the day and listen to spiritual music, soak up God's beauty, and listen to CDs in the car that talk very Al-Anon type talk - Joel and Joyce. It helps me reprogram my thoughts and win the battle of the mind. I can stay more upbeat by focusing on those words. Have I sought out help from my group? I have reached out to some members and am planning a retreat with them. I hope to establish an even stronger relationship and spend more time on retreats like this.
6. What personal spiritual experiences can I draw on to help me improve my conscious contact with God? I have felt his peace and answers come to me, I saw Jesus and felt his warmth, and I have had many experiences where the solution to the problem was right there.
7. What does it mean to me to pray only for God's will and not my own? I may not know what's best for me so it is best to ask for guidance and not specifics as perhaps what I want isn't really good for me right now. I need to trust that I am where I am supposed to be. How can I distinguish between God's will and my will? Usually God's will comes to me when I am quiet and receptive. I know exactly what I want so I can usually tell when it's my will. I get a good feeling when it's right.
8. How have I been mistaken about God's will? How has my self will caused me difficulties? I can't think of an instance of being mistake, but I do know that I am not always sure about the answer - is it me or God? I do know that I lived my life without asking for help or guidance and made a pretty good mess of it and lived down and discouraged - not what I want for myself.
9. How am I willing to be guided today? I usually ask for patience and to be a blessing to others each day. I also ask for guidance about specific situations facing me. However, I could ask for guidance much more - before every decision. I could also talk to Al-Anon members about those things. These days I tend to do and say nothing because I would rather do that than mess things up further.
10. Is something blocking me in this step today? What is it? I tend to be inconsistent. What steps can I review to help me feel connected today? Steps 1-3, 6-7, 10 work help me to refocus. 10 in particular is one I'd like to do everyday as I have a check in list as to how the day went.
11. What do I need to have the power to do this step? Mainly I need courage and consistency. Have I asked God for that power? Yes, I have. I also repeat to myself that "I will not fear" as well as other helpful slogans.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Tradition Four Questions from Pathways
1. How am I taking responsibility for my actions and thoughts? Is my group taking responsibility for its actions and thoughts? How? I am taking responsibility. I make the choice to react and then I need to face the consequences. I am learning to take more time to think and reason out actions with others. I am learning to do nothing until I have a clear message where God wants me to go. My group does a group conscious and business meetings to talk about how some actions affect everyone. I am learning to make amends for the actions and not to blame others.
2. How am I allowing others the freedom to take responsibility for their own actions and thoughts? I am working hard to mind my own business and not make judgments or try to fix others. I am getting out of the way of the consequences of those actions even when it hurts to watch.
3. Am I accepting the consequences of my actions gracefully? Not always, but I am improving. Am I allowing others the same opportunity? Yes, and I am working not to complain about it.
4. Am I self-serving and selfish in the name of autonomy, or am I truly self-caring, asking for my HP's guidance? I think I tend to be self centered still, but I am working on being kind and of service even when it means I have to give up some time. I am trying hard to submit to my HP's will and guidance as my will hasn't worked out too well for me up to now!
5. How does my group consider the impatc of its decisions on Al-Anon, Alateen as a whole? Lone Members, inmates, groups, newcomers, long timers? The group discusses whether an action meets the expectations of Al-Anon etc. and looks at possible impacts on all groups. There is a group conscious and other shorter meetings and voting on different items plus some issues are taking up the ladder to see what the response is.
6. What were my feelings as a new member? Did I feel welcomed? Can I share my thoughts with my group? Others? I was nervous, not sure it would help but at the bottom and willing to try anything. I felt welcomed. I have a hard time breaking in socially at first, but someone came over to talk. I felt more welcomed by Thurs than by Wed. Wed smokers and people allowed to take over and not talk recovery but just complaints turned me off. I could share. It's just a bit hard to remember now. My brain gets so fuzzy.
7. Do I remember Al-Anon's primary purpose in my service activities? Yes. How does this affect my actions? I try to put myself out there more to be welcoming rather than hiding behind shyness. If I feel a personal response to someone, I attempt to reach out.
8. Am I dogmatic in my reasoning, or am I flexible in the interpretation of the suggested guidelines? How can I be more flexible? I don't feel all that qualified yet to comment on guidelines. I leave this to the long term members unless I truly feel I have something I understand well enough for me to comment. I think I would be flexible, but sometimes I get stuck on something and can't let it go. It's hard for me to say now.
9. When visiting a new group, do I feel irritated if it's not just like my home group? No. I have visited 3 other groups recently and still found it helpful. I would like them to start later so I can get there, but it's not up to me. I would like them to last longer, but again it is not my place to control. What can I learn from visiting other groups? That Al-Anon priniciples are at work everywhere so I can find help and support even if just dropping in. Do I want to straighten out a group? No, I did not have that response. I was grateful there was a group to visit.
10. In my personal life, how can I apply this Tradition to my family? Are we autonomous? Do our actions affect other families? Our communities? I believe few of our actions affect in a big way except perhaps trying to converse energy and be clean. We do need to think about how our actions affect others when we make decisions.
11. Tradition four asks us to be obedient to the unenforceable. What does this mean to me? It means that I/we do the right thing even though no one is around to watch us or make us do that.
2. How am I allowing others the freedom to take responsibility for their own actions and thoughts? I am working hard to mind my own business and not make judgments or try to fix others. I am getting out of the way of the consequences of those actions even when it hurts to watch.
3. Am I accepting the consequences of my actions gracefully? Not always, but I am improving. Am I allowing others the same opportunity? Yes, and I am working not to complain about it.
4. Am I self-serving and selfish in the name of autonomy, or am I truly self-caring, asking for my HP's guidance? I think I tend to be self centered still, but I am working on being kind and of service even when it means I have to give up some time. I am trying hard to submit to my HP's will and guidance as my will hasn't worked out too well for me up to now!
5. How does my group consider the impatc of its decisions on Al-Anon, Alateen as a whole? Lone Members, inmates, groups, newcomers, long timers? The group discusses whether an action meets the expectations of Al-Anon etc. and looks at possible impacts on all groups. There is a group conscious and other shorter meetings and voting on different items plus some issues are taking up the ladder to see what the response is.
6. What were my feelings as a new member? Did I feel welcomed? Can I share my thoughts with my group? Others? I was nervous, not sure it would help but at the bottom and willing to try anything. I felt welcomed. I have a hard time breaking in socially at first, but someone came over to talk. I felt more welcomed by Thurs than by Wed. Wed smokers and people allowed to take over and not talk recovery but just complaints turned me off. I could share. It's just a bit hard to remember now. My brain gets so fuzzy.
7. Do I remember Al-Anon's primary purpose in my service activities? Yes. How does this affect my actions? I try to put myself out there more to be welcoming rather than hiding behind shyness. If I feel a personal response to someone, I attempt to reach out.
8. Am I dogmatic in my reasoning, or am I flexible in the interpretation of the suggested guidelines? How can I be more flexible? I don't feel all that qualified yet to comment on guidelines. I leave this to the long term members unless I truly feel I have something I understand well enough for me to comment. I think I would be flexible, but sometimes I get stuck on something and can't let it go. It's hard for me to say now.
9. When visiting a new group, do I feel irritated if it's not just like my home group? No. I have visited 3 other groups recently and still found it helpful. I would like them to start later so I can get there, but it's not up to me. I would like them to last longer, but again it is not my place to control. What can I learn from visiting other groups? That Al-Anon priniciples are at work everywhere so I can find help and support even if just dropping in. Do I want to straighten out a group? No, I did not have that response. I was grateful there was a group to visit.
10. In my personal life, how can I apply this Tradition to my family? Are we autonomous? Do our actions affect other families? Our communities? I believe few of our actions affect in a big way except perhaps trying to converse energy and be clean. We do need to think about how our actions affect others when we make decisions.
11. Tradition four asks us to be obedient to the unenforceable. What does this mean to me? It means that I/we do the right thing even though no one is around to watch us or make us do that.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Amends to Keisuke
I still hope to change you. I would like to see you happy and on your way to a decent career and permanent weight loss. I hope that by making an amend to you, you will begin to want the peace that Kiku and I have. This is wrong of me. It is hard to let go of my need/expectations for your life. It is your life. You have your own higher power; I am not it. This is so challenging for me as it hurts to watch you. I am working hard to maintain my own peace of mind even when you are so obviously suffering. I have no control over you. I just need to mind my own business and let you find your own solutions and your own path. You know what the resources are and are smart enough to go find your own way out of the darkness. I will always love you, but I have to let go of you and no longer do anything for you other than offering my love and encouragement while you solve your own problems. I would love to take your burdens away from you, but that is not possible.
Amends for the past:
*not seeing that it was hurting you to send you to dad's- not realizing how abusive he was to you
*not always paying attention because I was off in my own world of pain and blame and trying to escape
*not allowing you to solve your own problems as I thought my fixing it made your life easier and better - instead it took away your chance to grow
*talking about your issues with other people so that you felt you couldn't trust me - I need to talk about what hurts me, but I need to only tell my program people/therapist about it - they won't pass it on
*
Amends for the past:
*not seeing that it was hurting you to send you to dad's- not realizing how abusive he was to you
*not always paying attention because I was off in my own world of pain and blame and trying to escape
*not allowing you to solve your own problems as I thought my fixing it made your life easier and better - instead it took away your chance to grow
*talking about your issues with other people so that you felt you couldn't trust me - I need to talk about what hurts me, but I need to only tell my program people/therapist about it - they won't pass it on
*
Step 10 - Pathways Questions
Daily charting of typical personal strengths and weaknesses to check off at night:
1. I kept my serenity when faced with traffic or other frustrations, rude people, someone trying to pick a fight with me.____
2. I used the program for meditation and reprogramming today.____
3. I tried to be a blessing to others today/did some kind of service________
4. I was kind to everyone I met._______
5. I practiced good listening._____
6. I owe an amend to:______________
7. I did combat with my need to future trip/obsess about something._______
8. I minded my own business today.________
9. I let go of my need to control._____
10. I did not judge/criticize another person today.__________
Questions:
1. What is the purpose of Step 10? It allows me to continue my program by looking at what about myself that I can still improve. It helps me to have the courage to ask for help if I need it and apologize if I was wrong - and to be strong enough to not rationalize or make excuses - simply make it right.
2. How do I feel about continuing to take a personal inventory? I feel good about this because it will allow me to continue making progress. I can never say that I am done as I will change based on the work I am doing. I need to keep looking at myself for how I can change rather than demanding someone else change no matter how much I might want to see a different outcome for that person. I need to continue in the path to peace no matter what happens around me. Inventory will help me see the areas about myself to change in order to maintain serenity even when I don't get what I want.
3. What means of taking daily inventory is comfortable for me? I took the suggestion in the book to write out typical areas of challenge for me and then taking a few minutes each night to check in about how I did with those each day.
4. What will help me continue to apply program tools when life gets rough? The daily readers. Rereading them I see new things as my life changes. I will read all the conference literature as well as other activities like car CDs to help me reprogram myself and allow myself to grow. I can call people in the program. Whenever I reach out, I feel better. I can share the program with my husband so that even if he chooses not to do it, I am sharing tidbits of wisdom so that I can discuss them with him and involve him in my life just a bit more. Other perspectives help me know what to do. I will continue to talk to God daily - sharing my gratitude and joys as well as discouragement. I will ask for guidance and the courage to do what I hear.
5. When might I need to take a spot check? If I am having the crazies, feeling hooked by someone's words or actions as I need to examine where that comes from, why I feel threatened or depressed. I may not be able to figure it out, but it helps to remember I am right where I am supposed to be and that I need to keep moving forward even if I am leaving others behind.
6. In a daily inventory I can ask myself:
a. What were the major events of the day?
b. What feelings did I experience?
c. How did I deal with them?
d. Did I get myself involved today in any situation I had no business being in?
e. What can help me to accept myself as I make mistakes again and again?
f. Did fear or faith rule my actions today?
g. How can I admit my wrong despite my pride and fear that it will be used against me?
h. Am I at fault for tying for peace at any price? What are my motives?
i. How do I know when to make amends and when not to?
j. What positive traits did I exhibit today?
k. What negative traits did I exhibit today?
l. How did I try to fix anyone today?
m. How can I "let go and let God"?
n. Did I abandon my own needs today? How?
o. Have I been too accommodating - saying yes when I mean no?
p. Was I afraid of an authority figure? Of anyone? Why or why not?
q. What small things can I do to practice standing up for myself?
r. How did I take on anyone else's responsibility today?
s. What am I afraid will happen if I don't take on extra responsibility?
t. If I was wrong, did I promptly admit it?
u. What can I do to take care of myself today?
v. Is there something that I need to take a longer look at? What is it?
w. Have I done something difficult or particularly well today? How can I appreciate myself for it?
x. How could sharing my daily Tenth Step inventory with another person, such as my sponsor, help me?
y. What characteristics show up most often in my inventory?
z. What do I resist having them removed?
7. After practicing the Tenth Step, how have my feelings about it changed?
1. I kept my serenity when faced with traffic or other frustrations, rude people, someone trying to pick a fight with me.____
2. I used the program for meditation and reprogramming today.____
3. I tried to be a blessing to others today/did some kind of service________
4. I was kind to everyone I met._______
5. I practiced good listening._____
6. I owe an amend to:______________
7. I did combat with my need to future trip/obsess about something._______
8. I minded my own business today.________
9. I let go of my need to control._____
10. I did not judge/criticize another person today.__________
Questions:
1. What is the purpose of Step 10? It allows me to continue my program by looking at what about myself that I can still improve. It helps me to have the courage to ask for help if I need it and apologize if I was wrong - and to be strong enough to not rationalize or make excuses - simply make it right.
2. How do I feel about continuing to take a personal inventory? I feel good about this because it will allow me to continue making progress. I can never say that I am done as I will change based on the work I am doing. I need to keep looking at myself for how I can change rather than demanding someone else change no matter how much I might want to see a different outcome for that person. I need to continue in the path to peace no matter what happens around me. Inventory will help me see the areas about myself to change in order to maintain serenity even when I don't get what I want.
3. What means of taking daily inventory is comfortable for me? I took the suggestion in the book to write out typical areas of challenge for me and then taking a few minutes each night to check in about how I did with those each day.
4. What will help me continue to apply program tools when life gets rough? The daily readers. Rereading them I see new things as my life changes. I will read all the conference literature as well as other activities like car CDs to help me reprogram myself and allow myself to grow. I can call people in the program. Whenever I reach out, I feel better. I can share the program with my husband so that even if he chooses not to do it, I am sharing tidbits of wisdom so that I can discuss them with him and involve him in my life just a bit more. Other perspectives help me know what to do. I will continue to talk to God daily - sharing my gratitude and joys as well as discouragement. I will ask for guidance and the courage to do what I hear.
5. When might I need to take a spot check? If I am having the crazies, feeling hooked by someone's words or actions as I need to examine where that comes from, why I feel threatened or depressed. I may not be able to figure it out, but it helps to remember I am right where I am supposed to be and that I need to keep moving forward even if I am leaving others behind.
6. In a daily inventory I can ask myself:
a. What were the major events of the day?
b. What feelings did I experience?
c. How did I deal with them?
d. Did I get myself involved today in any situation I had no business being in?
e. What can help me to accept myself as I make mistakes again and again?
f. Did fear or faith rule my actions today?
g. How can I admit my wrong despite my pride and fear that it will be used against me?
h. Am I at fault for tying for peace at any price? What are my motives?
i. How do I know when to make amends and when not to?
j. What positive traits did I exhibit today?
k. What negative traits did I exhibit today?
l. How did I try to fix anyone today?
m. How can I "let go and let God"?
n. Did I abandon my own needs today? How?
o. Have I been too accommodating - saying yes when I mean no?
p. Was I afraid of an authority figure? Of anyone? Why or why not?
q. What small things can I do to practice standing up for myself?
r. How did I take on anyone else's responsibility today?
s. What am I afraid will happen if I don't take on extra responsibility?
t. If I was wrong, did I promptly admit it?
u. What can I do to take care of myself today?
v. Is there something that I need to take a longer look at? What is it?
w. Have I done something difficult or particularly well today? How can I appreciate myself for it?
x. How could sharing my daily Tenth Step inventory with another person, such as my sponsor, help me?
y. What characteristics show up most often in my inventory?
z. What do I resist having them removed?
7. After practicing the Tenth Step, how have my feelings about it changed?
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Tradition Three Questions from Pathways
1. Do I give each newcomer a warm and loving welcome? I have to remind myself now and then, but I make an effort to direct comments to that person.
2. Do I welcome all who attend our meetings even if they are different from me? How can my group be more welcoming of those who are different from us? Yes. I think our group is welcoming. Most of us tend to be middle aged women so others may decide our group is not for them, but we are welcoming.
3. Do I treat each member and potential member with unconditional love? Yes.
4. How does my group encourage all members to share? Do I encourage all members to share? We ask the new people if they want to share. We specifically have it in our opening and closing about inviting to share. We try to limit sharing time so all can participate who want to.
5. How can my group welcome members of other programs and maintain our Al-Anon focus? What can I do to make them welcome? We don't normally discuss other programs. Our opening says to keep focus on Al-Anon. However, some will discuss their personal philosophies, etc. in passing. If they are new, we allow more latitude.
6. Have I alienated anyone that might have needed Al-Anon because I thought another meeting might be better for them? No. However, one member told me that my husband wasn't really welcome there and suggested meetings with more men/couples. I found that extremely offputting!
7. How can I help my group remain open to new ideas while assuring that we not affiliate with any other cause or group? I think it is ok to discuss other ideas with sponsors and on phone calls, but the meetings need to focus on CAL, Al-Anon ideas.
8. Do I leave my other affiliations and interests outside the doors of Al-Anon? Yes.
9. Am I being understanding and encouraging? I believe so. I listen well and nod my head and smile.
10. How can I treat others with acceptance, tolerance, and love? I can be courteous no matter what I think. I can be helpful and kind. I wish to be a blessing to others.
11. Am I accepting myself and others as we are? How? Better with others than with myself. I still tend to be hard on myself - feel I'm not measuring up. Also on my hubby but not so much with others.
12. How can I apply Tradition Three to other areas of my life? My hiking group, my relationships I cannot be all things to all people all the time - I have to remember that.
2. Do I welcome all who attend our meetings even if they are different from me? How can my group be more welcoming of those who are different from us? Yes. I think our group is welcoming. Most of us tend to be middle aged women so others may decide our group is not for them, but we are welcoming.
3. Do I treat each member and potential member with unconditional love? Yes.
4. How does my group encourage all members to share? Do I encourage all members to share? We ask the new people if they want to share. We specifically have it in our opening and closing about inviting to share. We try to limit sharing time so all can participate who want to.
5. How can my group welcome members of other programs and maintain our Al-Anon focus? What can I do to make them welcome? We don't normally discuss other programs. Our opening says to keep focus on Al-Anon. However, some will discuss their personal philosophies, etc. in passing. If they are new, we allow more latitude.
6. Have I alienated anyone that might have needed Al-Anon because I thought another meeting might be better for them? No. However, one member told me that my husband wasn't really welcome there and suggested meetings with more men/couples. I found that extremely offputting!
7. How can I help my group remain open to new ideas while assuring that we not affiliate with any other cause or group? I think it is ok to discuss other ideas with sponsors and on phone calls, but the meetings need to focus on CAL, Al-Anon ideas.
8. Do I leave my other affiliations and interests outside the doors of Al-Anon? Yes.
9. Am I being understanding and encouraging? I believe so. I listen well and nod my head and smile.
10. How can I treat others with acceptance, tolerance, and love? I can be courteous no matter what I think. I can be helpful and kind. I wish to be a blessing to others.
11. Am I accepting myself and others as we are? How? Better with others than with myself. I still tend to be hard on myself - feel I'm not measuring up. Also on my hubby but not so much with others.
12. How can I apply Tradition Three to other areas of my life? My hiking group, my relationships I cannot be all things to all people all the time - I have to remember that.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tradition Two Questions - Pathways
For our group purpose there is but one authority - a loving God as he may express himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
1. Am I willing to take time to discuss all points of view before reaching a decision? Does my need to be right get in the way? How? Yes, most of the time I would call myself willing. There are a few times when I don't want to change a hiking plan at the last minute because I invested too much ego in the location/activity. Most of the time I have become flexible and will go with the group's decision without being upset about it. Sometimes I feel angry or sad if people don't like what I planned and try to change it at the last minute for no reason. I think that if they signed up, they need to be willing to do what was planned or just not sign up. If we need to change for other reasons like weather, I am much more adaptable.
2. How do I participate in my group's business? I attend the business meetings and speak up as I feel necessary. Currently, I am still in the learning phase so I don't always have enough info to make an informed contribution so my way to contribute is to continue learning and working the program.
3. Do I listen to others in the group discussion with an open mind? For the most part. If someone seems domineering, I turn off. If someone starts preaching one religion, I turn off. However, I am learning that everyone has a voice - even those I may not think have something to tell me. I am working to listen because I may hear God's voice coming out of that person. I don't want to miss an opportunity for God's guidance.
4. What am I willing to do for service work? I am willing to help out before and after meetings. I am also willing to drive those who don't live too far for me. I tend to be pressed for time due to having to make time to earn a living so I am limited by time. My other major service work is to my hiking group meaning there is not enough time for me to take on an office now as I basically am president of my group. I just had an epiphany that I could rotate that duty.
5. Does my group practice rotation of leadership positions? Yes.
6. What can I do to contribute to service in my group and elsewhere? I can look for any place in my day where I can be a blessing to others and perform that service - even if it's just bringing a smile to someone's face.
7. Has my group ever taken a group conscience? Yes. I didn't really participate much as it was my third or so time ever, and I didn't know anything to add so I listened. I didn't go to my new home group's because of conflicts with the hiking group. Next year, I need to make sure to attend. I would like to learn from this process.
8. Does everyone in our group participate in the group process? No. Several regular members seemed to be absent.
9. What can I do if one members starts to dominate the group? I think this is something I need to discuss sometime with our group - what is our policy. How can we kindly say something or give a signal?
10. What is the difference between Al-Anon leadership and governing? Everyone is equal in Al-Anon. There is no hierarchy as there is in government and companies. We all have a voice.
11. How am I willing to support the group conscience if I don't agree with it? Like the example of not saying the Lord's Prayer for those who are not of the Judeo-Christian belief, I supported the ultimate decision of allowing it. I will recite it if called upon to do so and hope that it does not turn away people seeking our help.
12. Am I contributing to the health of my group? How? I make a commitment to be at meetings and share helpful suggestions rather than just griping. I listen to others with a loving attitude so they can get the help of the group's power. I help out at meetings. I will call someone if I feel a concern about them.
13. Do I bring my concerns to group level with love? How? I am working on courage to speak up for what I believe and at least be heard even if it changes nothing. I am learning that relationships are more important than being right or getting my way.
14. How am I a leader and a trusted servant? How can I be a leader without "being in charge"? I give the group choices. I listen and am working not to gossip. I am trying to discuss what to do before we start a trail. I encourage by example and no longer complaining about my life. I lead by attraction not by trying to force my will on others. I try to explain that it's the fun and support of being together more than some destination. I do what I say I will.
15. Am I being honest with myself and others? I hold back in some ways, but I am trying to face my fear of not being liked if someone really sees me.
16. Am I trying to control and to convince others that I am right? I did this until my eyes were opened by the Al-Anon program; now I am trying to let go and not justify my actions or push my agenda.
17/ Do I give up my responsibilities and then blame others if things go wrong? No. I was big into blame but not because I gave up my responsibilities but rather because I couldn't see my part in the situations.
18. Am I listening for God's words in others? What do I hear? Yes. I am hearing ways I might employ to face my situation. Mostly I am hearing over and over to let go of that worry as there is nothing I can do about the situation. I hear it from many mouths. I know it is true. I still struggle with it as it has been my constant companion. Now I want God for my constant companion not the heartache and worries about finances, kids, job etc.
1. Am I willing to take time to discuss all points of view before reaching a decision? Does my need to be right get in the way? How? Yes, most of the time I would call myself willing. There are a few times when I don't want to change a hiking plan at the last minute because I invested too much ego in the location/activity. Most of the time I have become flexible and will go with the group's decision without being upset about it. Sometimes I feel angry or sad if people don't like what I planned and try to change it at the last minute for no reason. I think that if they signed up, they need to be willing to do what was planned or just not sign up. If we need to change for other reasons like weather, I am much more adaptable.
2. How do I participate in my group's business? I attend the business meetings and speak up as I feel necessary. Currently, I am still in the learning phase so I don't always have enough info to make an informed contribution so my way to contribute is to continue learning and working the program.
3. Do I listen to others in the group discussion with an open mind? For the most part. If someone seems domineering, I turn off. If someone starts preaching one religion, I turn off. However, I am learning that everyone has a voice - even those I may not think have something to tell me. I am working to listen because I may hear God's voice coming out of that person. I don't want to miss an opportunity for God's guidance.
4. What am I willing to do for service work? I am willing to help out before and after meetings. I am also willing to drive those who don't live too far for me. I tend to be pressed for time due to having to make time to earn a living so I am limited by time. My other major service work is to my hiking group meaning there is not enough time for me to take on an office now as I basically am president of my group. I just had an epiphany that I could rotate that duty.
5. Does my group practice rotation of leadership positions? Yes.
6. What can I do to contribute to service in my group and elsewhere? I can look for any place in my day where I can be a blessing to others and perform that service - even if it's just bringing a smile to someone's face.
7. Has my group ever taken a group conscience? Yes. I didn't really participate much as it was my third or so time ever, and I didn't know anything to add so I listened. I didn't go to my new home group's because of conflicts with the hiking group. Next year, I need to make sure to attend. I would like to learn from this process.
8. Does everyone in our group participate in the group process? No. Several regular members seemed to be absent.
9. What can I do if one members starts to dominate the group? I think this is something I need to discuss sometime with our group - what is our policy. How can we kindly say something or give a signal?
10. What is the difference between Al-Anon leadership and governing? Everyone is equal in Al-Anon. There is no hierarchy as there is in government and companies. We all have a voice.
11. How am I willing to support the group conscience if I don't agree with it? Like the example of not saying the Lord's Prayer for those who are not of the Judeo-Christian belief, I supported the ultimate decision of allowing it. I will recite it if called upon to do so and hope that it does not turn away people seeking our help.
12. Am I contributing to the health of my group? How? I make a commitment to be at meetings and share helpful suggestions rather than just griping. I listen to others with a loving attitude so they can get the help of the group's power. I help out at meetings. I will call someone if I feel a concern about them.
13. Do I bring my concerns to group level with love? How? I am working on courage to speak up for what I believe and at least be heard even if it changes nothing. I am learning that relationships are more important than being right or getting my way.
14. How am I a leader and a trusted servant? How can I be a leader without "being in charge"? I give the group choices. I listen and am working not to gossip. I am trying to discuss what to do before we start a trail. I encourage by example and no longer complaining about my life. I lead by attraction not by trying to force my will on others. I try to explain that it's the fun and support of being together more than some destination. I do what I say I will.
15. Am I being honest with myself and others? I hold back in some ways, but I am trying to face my fear of not being liked if someone really sees me.
16. Am I trying to control and to convince others that I am right? I did this until my eyes were opened by the Al-Anon program; now I am trying to let go and not justify my actions or push my agenda.
17/ Do I give up my responsibilities and then blame others if things go wrong? No. I was big into blame but not because I gave up my responsibilities but rather because I couldn't see my part in the situations.
18. Am I listening for God's words in others? What do I hear? Yes. I am hearing ways I might employ to face my situation. Mostly I am hearing over and over to let go of that worry as there is nothing I can do about the situation. I hear it from many mouths. I know it is true. I still struggle with it as it has been my constant companion. Now I want God for my constant companion not the heartache and worries about finances, kids, job etc.
Tradition One Questions - Pathways
Our common welfare should come first. Personal progress for the greatest number depends on unity.
1. How can I apply this tradition to my everyday life? This to me says that everyone is equally important. We cannot progress if we allow some people to dominate and run roughshod over others. This tells me that I must have a voice but not too much of a voice. It is okay to disagree. Perhaps we need to shelve something for awhile or agreed to disagree and then wait to see if some solution we can't see is out there. I think this is important for my family, work family, and my hiking group.
2. How do I use this tradition in my meeting? I share in many meetings because what I have to say may be helpful to someone. However, I limit my sharing to a couple of minutes or less. I feel I need to develop the courage to say something when someone is rambling and taking more than five minutes particularly when it forces the meeting to go overtime.
3. How does this Tradition give me the right to offer my opinion? How can I do this without dominating or having to win? It says that everyone has a voice that is equally valued. I can calmly state that I don't agree, but if it does not go my way, I need to be okay with that.
4. What does common welfare mean to me? my group? In other areas of service work within Al-Anon? It means that all of us are working to heal. That means I have a responsibility to think of others besides myself and work to be a blessing to them as well as looking for healing for myself. I think all service contributes to the growth and well being of the group.
5. What does unity mean to me? We all work together and do not allow conflicts to destroy us. We don't gossip or badmouth other people. We work out any issues we have and don't run from conflicts but take an unemotional look at how we can solve it.
6. Do I consider myself to be open-minded? Yes. Always? No. It is an area that I sometimes need to work. I can sometimes get a bit overly invested in my solution or plan and have a little trouble letting it go and being completely flexible.
7. Am I willing to respect others' views? How? I would not say that I am 100% good at this as I sometimes think something someone says is pretty stupid. I realize I have no right to be judgemental, but it does not always stop those thoughts. I would never outwardly disrespect another person other than my husband. The way I treat him at times can be pretty disrespectful. Even if I think he's being an idiot, it's not really okay to say it like that. I need to try to listen and understand.
8. Am I willing to accept and appreciate what others are able to give? Yes. Sometimes I don't want someone to give to me as it hooks some feeling deep down that I am obligated to reciprocate.
9. Am I expressing myself for unity or for manipulation and control? I would have to examine my motives each time as I know for a fact that I sometimes want to control the destination and not change the plan I worked hard on. I am working on letting go and most of the time I am okay with changing to what the group wants to do.
10. How do I keep Al-Anon unity in mind when expressing my opinion? I work on reminding myself to Think, be Kind, keep the relationship over being right and now with a group I am reminding myself of this tradition.
11. How am I flexible? I often will change my vote to support the majority and am willing to not be on the "winning" side. I can usually see and understand all sides. If I feel some stubbornness rising, I need to examine why that situation causes that response.
12. Am I bringing anything positive to this group? my family? My personal relationships? Yes. I am sharing what I am learning with others. I am learning not to complain and gossip. I am becoming the kind of person people enjoy being with.
13. Do endless sharings at meetings hinder the unity of the group? If so, how can this be handled? I believe they do as everyone becomes restive particularly when the sharing is of complaining or goes over the ending time. People get annoyed at having to sit through something that isn't helpful to the group. I feel that we need to discuss this in group inventories and decide what to do. I think a polite reminder of time limits would be helpful. Something like we agreed to keep the amount of time limited so all who want to can share. I would like to see an actual number of minutes placed in the preamble. The only exception would be for new members who don't know what the program is about and are in crisis and need to get it out.
14. What other ways do groups suffer when members dominate meetings? I covered most of this above, but I do feel it engenders resentments against those people who consistently dominate and may also cause new people not to return because they don't want to be subjected to endless droning. I don't think anyone should be allowed to share twice unless no-one else speaks up. I need to say this at the next inventory.
15. How can I be a part of the solution to my group's problems and not part of the problem? I need to attend all meetings about group function and offer my opinions.
16. Am I giving with love? How? Every day I dedicate myself to finding a way to be a blessing to others - even if just in a small way. It is like the bookmarker with "Just for Today" advice - being of service. I feel a great love towards others in my group and family.
17. Do I listen with love to others with whom I either don't agree or dislike? I sometimes feel irritated by some sharing as I feel it is off program, but I work on continuing to listen with kindness. There are only a few people I don't like much - those tend to be the dominators, the whiners, or the super religious/mentally ill. Something about them is offputting to me. I realize how when I do those kinds of behaviors that I am offputting to others also.
18. Am I an informed member of Al-Anon, supporting local, national etc Al-Anon in all their affairs? How can I become informed? I am somewhat informed. I listen to announcements, read the bulletins and GSR notebook, and read the literature. Little by little, I am learning the program.
19. Do I welcome newcomers in the same manner as y long-time Al-Anon friends? Am I willing to change? I listen to what they say and am learning to say those things also. I try to make time to talk to a new person after the meeting and focus in an especially supportive way for them. I try to keep a connection going with someone with whom I feel a special attraction.
20. When I share, am I honest in sharing the good and the bad? Do I listen to the wisdom of long-time members? My sponsor? I crave the wisdom of long-time members as I see their serenity and want to attain that and then share with others. I listen to my sponsor also although I sometimes feel I need to seek out others who have actually done all the steps.
21. Do I understand there are no rules but only suggested guidelines? Yes. I like that as it is not too rigid, but the guidelines give a framework. From there we can work together to make our group beneficial to all who come.
1. How can I apply this tradition to my everyday life? This to me says that everyone is equally important. We cannot progress if we allow some people to dominate and run roughshod over others. This tells me that I must have a voice but not too much of a voice. It is okay to disagree. Perhaps we need to shelve something for awhile or agreed to disagree and then wait to see if some solution we can't see is out there. I think this is important for my family, work family, and my hiking group.
2. How do I use this tradition in my meeting? I share in many meetings because what I have to say may be helpful to someone. However, I limit my sharing to a couple of minutes or less. I feel I need to develop the courage to say something when someone is rambling and taking more than five minutes particularly when it forces the meeting to go overtime.
3. How does this Tradition give me the right to offer my opinion? How can I do this without dominating or having to win? It says that everyone has a voice that is equally valued. I can calmly state that I don't agree, but if it does not go my way, I need to be okay with that.
4. What does common welfare mean to me? my group? In other areas of service work within Al-Anon? It means that all of us are working to heal. That means I have a responsibility to think of others besides myself and work to be a blessing to them as well as looking for healing for myself. I think all service contributes to the growth and well being of the group.
5. What does unity mean to me? We all work together and do not allow conflicts to destroy us. We don't gossip or badmouth other people. We work out any issues we have and don't run from conflicts but take an unemotional look at how we can solve it.
6. Do I consider myself to be open-minded? Yes. Always? No. It is an area that I sometimes need to work. I can sometimes get a bit overly invested in my solution or plan and have a little trouble letting it go and being completely flexible.
7. Am I willing to respect others' views? How? I would not say that I am 100% good at this as I sometimes think something someone says is pretty stupid. I realize I have no right to be judgemental, but it does not always stop those thoughts. I would never outwardly disrespect another person other than my husband. The way I treat him at times can be pretty disrespectful. Even if I think he's being an idiot, it's not really okay to say it like that. I need to try to listen and understand.
8. Am I willing to accept and appreciate what others are able to give? Yes. Sometimes I don't want someone to give to me as it hooks some feeling deep down that I am obligated to reciprocate.
9. Am I expressing myself for unity or for manipulation and control? I would have to examine my motives each time as I know for a fact that I sometimes want to control the destination and not change the plan I worked hard on. I am working on letting go and most of the time I am okay with changing to what the group wants to do.
10. How do I keep Al-Anon unity in mind when expressing my opinion? I work on reminding myself to Think, be Kind, keep the relationship over being right and now with a group I am reminding myself of this tradition.
11. How am I flexible? I often will change my vote to support the majority and am willing to not be on the "winning" side. I can usually see and understand all sides. If I feel some stubbornness rising, I need to examine why that situation causes that response.
12. Am I bringing anything positive to this group? my family? My personal relationships? Yes. I am sharing what I am learning with others. I am learning not to complain and gossip. I am becoming the kind of person people enjoy being with.
13. Do endless sharings at meetings hinder the unity of the group? If so, how can this be handled? I believe they do as everyone becomes restive particularly when the sharing is of complaining or goes over the ending time. People get annoyed at having to sit through something that isn't helpful to the group. I feel that we need to discuss this in group inventories and decide what to do. I think a polite reminder of time limits would be helpful. Something like we agreed to keep the amount of time limited so all who want to can share. I would like to see an actual number of minutes placed in the preamble. The only exception would be for new members who don't know what the program is about and are in crisis and need to get it out.
14. What other ways do groups suffer when members dominate meetings? I covered most of this above, but I do feel it engenders resentments against those people who consistently dominate and may also cause new people not to return because they don't want to be subjected to endless droning. I don't think anyone should be allowed to share twice unless no-one else speaks up. I need to say this at the next inventory.
15. How can I be a part of the solution to my group's problems and not part of the problem? I need to attend all meetings about group function and offer my opinions.
16. Am I giving with love? How? Every day I dedicate myself to finding a way to be a blessing to others - even if just in a small way. It is like the bookmarker with "Just for Today" advice - being of service. I feel a great love towards others in my group and family.
17. Do I listen with love to others with whom I either don't agree or dislike? I sometimes feel irritated by some sharing as I feel it is off program, but I work on continuing to listen with kindness. There are only a few people I don't like much - those tend to be the dominators, the whiners, or the super religious/mentally ill. Something about them is offputting to me. I realize how when I do those kinds of behaviors that I am offputting to others also.
18. Am I an informed member of Al-Anon, supporting local, national etc Al-Anon in all their affairs? How can I become informed? I am somewhat informed. I listen to announcements, read the bulletins and GSR notebook, and read the literature. Little by little, I am learning the program.
19. Do I welcome newcomers in the same manner as y long-time Al-Anon friends? Am I willing to change? I listen to what they say and am learning to say those things also. I try to make time to talk to a new person after the meeting and focus in an especially supportive way for them. I try to keep a connection going with someone with whom I feel a special attraction.
20. When I share, am I honest in sharing the good and the bad? Do I listen to the wisdom of long-time members? My sponsor? I crave the wisdom of long-time members as I see their serenity and want to attain that and then share with others. I listen to my sponsor also although I sometimes feel I need to seek out others who have actually done all the steps.
21. Do I understand there are no rules but only suggested guidelines? Yes. I like that as it is not too rigid, but the guidelines give a framework. From there we can work together to make our group beneficial to all who come.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Step 8 - Pathways Questions
1. Have I resisted making a list? If so, why? No. I am perfectly willing to make amends.
2. Did I use my fourth step as a tool for making a list? I did write down resentments. Those people are basically the ones on the list.
3. Did I consult with my sponsor or others as to how they made their list? No, but I did refer to conference materials when determining how to go about making the list. What suggestions did they make? How can I learn from them? It is helpful to see who others decide to approach this step; then to see how they actually approached those to whom they wish to make amends.
4. Am I willing to make amends? Yes. If yes, am I willing to write about my experience? Yes.
5. How have I used rationalization or justification to block me from becoming willing? I have said that I did not harm that person, that they did more to me, or that I don't really want to reestablish a relationship with that person for reasons of safety or just not having had much of a relationship anyway. I don't know if this is really avoiding with Kathy or Alyse. I think I need to talk to people more about this. I also felt that I have already made amends with some even though I didn't call it that when talking to them. Is this a rationalization to avoid a formal amend?
6. Do I understand that willingness is different from actually making the amend? Describe the differences. In this step, I list whom I think I have harmed and become ready to deal with the rift or the apology. I do not actually plan out how I will make an amend. I just decide that I am both ready and willing to make amends.
7. Have I considered praying for the willingness? Yes. I have prayed for willingness and a way to do it that is kind and restorative to both parties. How patient am I to become willing to make the difficult amends? Quite patient - perhaps it will take a long time for the appropriate moment to present itself. Just the willingness and listing the people is a tremendous relief.
8. How willing am I to be completely honest? Quite willing, but sometimes I lack courage to say exactly what I feel if I think it might hurt so I have to find a way that is kind but says my feelings.
9. Which people on my list am I willing to contact first? Myself and my daughter because we are both working a program and will understand. That means if I screw up, it is less important and we know.
10. Have I included myself? Why? Yes. I have hurt myself by beating myself up pretty constantly.
11. How does the God of my understanding play a role in this step? I am praying for the knowledge of whom I hurt beyond my family. I also will need courage and the feeling I am not alone in case that person does not respond well.
12. Can I share with my group my thoughts, feelings, and challenges with this step? Yes.
13. How can I encourage those I sponsor to begin working this step? I do not sponsor anyone yet. I wanted to give myself two years and have personal experience with all the steps before becoming a sponsor. Otherwise, if I haven't had that experience, I don't believe I can truly understand and assist. I would encourage them first to think about it and follow the Pathways guidelines as well as talking to others about how they approached it. I can also talk about the relief I feel to see those people in print and understand better how my actions harmed them.
14. As I work this step, how do I envision it helping with the relationships in my life? It is vital that I see my part in any issues and step up to take responsibility for it immediately rather than letting it fester. It is equally important that I speak up about any negative feelings and check them out with others before building long-term resentments.
15. In reviewing my list, is there a pattern reflecting new defects in my character? Can I see how those defects harmed others? Is this a pattern I identified in steps 6 and 7? Yes, my taking control did not allow them to face the consequences of their actions and grow as a result. I also tend to have tunnel vision and not pay enough attention to others or what is going on around me. As a result, my children didn't feel I was listening or cared about them. I tended to throw money/things at them instead of taking time from my job. I focused too much on one problem that I didn't see the others.
16. Do I recognize when minding others' business may have harmed them or others? Am I willing to recognize my need to make an amend? Yes to both
2. Did I use my fourth step as a tool for making a list? I did write down resentments. Those people are basically the ones on the list.
3. Did I consult with my sponsor or others as to how they made their list? No, but I did refer to conference materials when determining how to go about making the list. What suggestions did they make? How can I learn from them? It is helpful to see who others decide to approach this step; then to see how they actually approached those to whom they wish to make amends.
4. Am I willing to make amends? Yes. If yes, am I willing to write about my experience? Yes.
5. How have I used rationalization or justification to block me from becoming willing? I have said that I did not harm that person, that they did more to me, or that I don't really want to reestablish a relationship with that person for reasons of safety or just not having had much of a relationship anyway. I don't know if this is really avoiding with Kathy or Alyse. I think I need to talk to people more about this. I also felt that I have already made amends with some even though I didn't call it that when talking to them. Is this a rationalization to avoid a formal amend?
6. Do I understand that willingness is different from actually making the amend? Describe the differences. In this step, I list whom I think I have harmed and become ready to deal with the rift or the apology. I do not actually plan out how I will make an amend. I just decide that I am both ready and willing to make amends.
7. Have I considered praying for the willingness? Yes. I have prayed for willingness and a way to do it that is kind and restorative to both parties. How patient am I to become willing to make the difficult amends? Quite patient - perhaps it will take a long time for the appropriate moment to present itself. Just the willingness and listing the people is a tremendous relief.
8. How willing am I to be completely honest? Quite willing, but sometimes I lack courage to say exactly what I feel if I think it might hurt so I have to find a way that is kind but says my feelings.
9. Which people on my list am I willing to contact first? Myself and my daughter because we are both working a program and will understand. That means if I screw up, it is less important and we know.
10. Have I included myself? Why? Yes. I have hurt myself by beating myself up pretty constantly.
11. How does the God of my understanding play a role in this step? I am praying for the knowledge of whom I hurt beyond my family. I also will need courage and the feeling I am not alone in case that person does not respond well.
12. Can I share with my group my thoughts, feelings, and challenges with this step? Yes.
13. How can I encourage those I sponsor to begin working this step? I do not sponsor anyone yet. I wanted to give myself two years and have personal experience with all the steps before becoming a sponsor. Otherwise, if I haven't had that experience, I don't believe I can truly understand and assist. I would encourage them first to think about it and follow the Pathways guidelines as well as talking to others about how they approached it. I can also talk about the relief I feel to see those people in print and understand better how my actions harmed them.
14. As I work this step, how do I envision it helping with the relationships in my life? It is vital that I see my part in any issues and step up to take responsibility for it immediately rather than letting it fester. It is equally important that I speak up about any negative feelings and check them out with others before building long-term resentments.
15. In reviewing my list, is there a pattern reflecting new defects in my character? Can I see how those defects harmed others? Is this a pattern I identified in steps 6 and 7? Yes, my taking control did not allow them to face the consequences of their actions and grow as a result. I also tend to have tunnel vision and not pay enough attention to others or what is going on around me. As a result, my children didn't feel I was listening or cared about them. I tended to throw money/things at them instead of taking time from my job. I focused too much on one problem that I didn't see the others.
16. Do I recognize when minding others' business may have harmed them or others? Am I willing to recognize my need to make an amend? Yes to both
Step 8 - Made of List of Person I Have Harmed and Became Willing to Make Amends to Them All
Whom I Have Harmed
1. myself
2. Keisuke
3. Kiku
4. Glen
5. Kazuya
6. Alyse
7. Kathy
8. Becky
9. vet clerk
How I Have Harmed
1. blaming myself; berating myself
2. by stepping in to fix everything; by not realizing the extent of the damage done forcing him to go to his dad's; talking about his problems to others; being to focused on my own discouragement to really listen; by always rescuing him and allowing him to be abusive to me and become a taker and not a giver
3. rescuing with money/getting things at last minute; putting Keisuke's problems above the attention she deserved/not realizing how much harm was being done to her; talking about her private issues to others when it wasn't appropriate; being too wrapped up in my pain to listen well; not knowing how to approach when I observed issues
4. demanding perfection/high expectations/nagging about smoking and other behaviors/trying to control; overreacting to his anxiety; being too wrapped up in self pity to be kind
5. leaving without attempting other ways to work out the marriage/not knowing that alcoholism is a disease and trying to be supportive and encouraging; allowing him to do nothing and to be abusive
6, 7, 8 not having the courage to say what it is about her behavior that bothers me/confront her directly - might not help the situation but perhaps being honest rather than building the resentments might have helped
9 got upset with her for sticking to vet policies I don't agree with - she was snippy, but I didn't need to respond in kind - it happened when I was hitting my bottom
Appropriate Amends
1. Use the tools to let go and let God
2. stop stepping in; let him live his own life; encourage him to work through the damage however he chooses; work on myself, mind my own business; let him fail/hit bottom; apologize for my mistakes and do better but also make clear that he needs to fix it; I won't step in - sometimes even if he asks me too; call 911 if he becomes threatening or abusive/ruins any of my things; natural consequences
3. let her experience consequences and be willing to spend time/give assistance when asked - if it does not violate the appropriate boundaries/silver rule of Al-Anon; continue to work on myself; give focused listening and encouragement
4. Think before I speak; let go of old issues; stop nagging/ keep my mouth shut; let stuff go
5. apologized; continue to try to be kind and not react to his behavior
6. 7, 8 become more honest all along with future people in my life - speak up for myself and not accept the unacceptable; stick to my boundaries; not really sure I want to rekindle much of a relationship as we didn't really have one anyway
9 go back and explain/apologize
1. myself
2. Keisuke
3. Kiku
4. Glen
5. Kazuya
6. Alyse
7. Kathy
8. Becky
9. vet clerk
How I Have Harmed
1. blaming myself; berating myself
2. by stepping in to fix everything; by not realizing the extent of the damage done forcing him to go to his dad's; talking about his problems to others; being to focused on my own discouragement to really listen; by always rescuing him and allowing him to be abusive to me and become a taker and not a giver
3. rescuing with money/getting things at last minute; putting Keisuke's problems above the attention she deserved/not realizing how much harm was being done to her; talking about her private issues to others when it wasn't appropriate; being too wrapped up in my pain to listen well; not knowing how to approach when I observed issues
4. demanding perfection/high expectations/nagging about smoking and other behaviors/trying to control; overreacting to his anxiety; being too wrapped up in self pity to be kind
5. leaving without attempting other ways to work out the marriage/not knowing that alcoholism is a disease and trying to be supportive and encouraging; allowing him to do nothing and to be abusive
6, 7, 8 not having the courage to say what it is about her behavior that bothers me/confront her directly - might not help the situation but perhaps being honest rather than building the resentments might have helped
9 got upset with her for sticking to vet policies I don't agree with - she was snippy, but I didn't need to respond in kind - it happened when I was hitting my bottom
Appropriate Amends
1. Use the tools to let go and let God
2. stop stepping in; let him live his own life; encourage him to work through the damage however he chooses; work on myself, mind my own business; let him fail/hit bottom; apologize for my mistakes and do better but also make clear that he needs to fix it; I won't step in - sometimes even if he asks me too; call 911 if he becomes threatening or abusive/ruins any of my things; natural consequences
3. let her experience consequences and be willing to spend time/give assistance when asked - if it does not violate the appropriate boundaries/silver rule of Al-Anon; continue to work on myself; give focused listening and encouragement
4. Think before I speak; let go of old issues; stop nagging/ keep my mouth shut; let stuff go
5. apologized; continue to try to be kind and not react to his behavior
6. 7, 8 become more honest all along with future people in my life - speak up for myself and not accept the unacceptable; stick to my boundaries; not really sure I want to rekindle much of a relationship as we didn't really have one anyway
9 go back and explain/apologize
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Step 7 - Pathways Answers
Humbly asked God to Remove all our Shortcomings
1. What does humility mean to me? Whom do I know who possesses this trait? Humility means that I do not put on airs or try to be more than I am just to impress people. It means that I am aware that I do not have all the answers and am not correct all the time. I am confident in myself but retain the knowledge that I cannot be all or do all. I sometimes need help and am able to both seek it and accept it. These people are secure in themselves.
hiking group: Margaret, Nancy, Regina Al Anon: Dale, Kathy D., southern Mary, Marty
2. Am I humble? What can help me be so? I am not always able to be humble. Sometimes I find myself feeling superior - usually in the form of being smarter than someone else. I can use the program to remind myself that I am not better or worse than anyone else. I can talk to my sponsor about situations that trigger pride or shame so that I can find the root cause and deal with it. I can ask God for assistance. I also tend to compare myself to others instead of focusing on being my very best.
3. What old behaviors get in the way of my being humble? Pride - my only asset I was praised for was my intelligence so I tend to lean on it as being a great asset. I watched my father patronize others and learned that behavior also. I never thought I was as awful about it as he was, but I have to guard against it with my husband in particular and sometimes the thoughts come about students or others who are not as intelligent. I think I know best about many things, but since I have obviously made a mess of some parts of my life, I do not always know best!
4. What defects am I ready to have removed? Judgmental thoughts; impatience in traffic and lines as well as with those less quick than I am; obsessive behavior; overreactions to small things; need to control what happens in a relationship; excessive worry; comparing myself to others in terms of appearance, material goods, and hiking speed/ability.
5. Do I believe that my HP can remove these defects? How do I know this? Yes, I believe that He has supernatural power - beyond my own limited ability to remove them from me. I feel his power and loving feelings toward me. Only God can change me from the inside. He keeps putting me in those situations so that I can practice doing the right thing.
6. Am I ready to ask God to remove these defects? Yes. I felt afraid, but faith tells me that the defects will be removed and replaced with healthy behavior. I am not always sure what purpose they served, but I think sometimes it was a release pressure valve or some kind of comfort in the midst of insanity - some feeling of control - an illusion but helpful at the time.
7. How do I humbly ask God to remove these defects? I will add this to my prayers saying that I am willing to do what I am asked= God's will but not pray in a controlling or demanding way - just asking when God is also ready could he please remove my defects.
8. Which shortcoming is causing me the most trouble right now? Excessive worry and anxiety - it's always there below the surface. I am constantly fighting it. I will dip into depression if I dwell too much on what my son is doing or the possibility that my daughter could return to drugs. I am future tripping about things that haven't happened. Sometimes the worry is based on real history, but I cannot know the outcome. I would like to learn to let these go - make plans and set goals but leave the results to God and still go about my day and life with serenity - not waiting for the next act of a child to ruin my day/life. It is difficult for me to find good things in each day as I tend to always be planning something and miss what is happening in the moment and get anxious about how things will turn out - kids will be healed? Kids will find that open door and go through it? Kids will have good careers, partners? Will we have enough money?
What benefits do I get from it? Acting on the worry makes me feel I am doing something to solve the problem. It occupies my mind. What problems does it cause? Depression. The feeling that I need to go haring off right now and try to do something about it instead of waiting to see what will happen naturally. I have a hard time waiting.
9. How can I treat myself with compassion in my recovery and ask for the willingness to keep trying? I can forgive myself if I obsess. I can find other ways to occupy my mind such as a task left undone or do some reading of inspirational literature. I can exercise to become calm. I can listen to music, sit in the hot tub. I can pray for assistance in letting the problem go. Once I have looked at the angles, I can decide what the solution is I would like; then say to God find the creative solution that I can't see and help me to wait it out until I see what will happen.
10. Do I have a sponsor? Yes. If not, what character defects would I have to overcome in order to ask for help? I had to find the courage to face my fear of rejection.
11. What can I do to cooperate with my higher power to remove my shortcomings? I can make the choice daily to not have that defect, to breathe through anxiety and frustration, to take a quiet moment to pray and ask for guidance and help in meeting my goals. I can pray to know God's will for me and wait until I hear it. I can choose each day to walk a healthy path and to live with complete integrity. I can rededicate myself to excellence daily.
12. What positive changes can I make in myself? Every day I can choose to make it a great day. By actually speaking the words and not giving in to negative voices/taping, I can be successful with the positive changes/goals I have set for myself. I can put forth effort to stop myself from voicing frustration or any complaints.
13. What positive trait do I want to develop to substitute for a trait I want to eliminate?
obsession/anxiety: ability to let go and let God
overeating: ability to maintain discipline and self control
disorganization in filing and in house: ability to maintain discipline to work on this weekly so I can find things I need
impatience and frustration intolerance: ability to retain serenity in these situations by using slogans etc.
judgmental: let go of comparisons between me and others or any feelings of superiority and inferiority which result in judgmental thoughts
financial irresponsibility: maintain discipline for myself and children; if we aren't willing to save up for it and pay cash, we can't have it exceptions: emergencies like car or medical
14. What can I do this week to practice a positive trait? I can attempt to get enough sleep as my attitude and feeling is always better so not get involved in a good movie or show after 9; not exercise after 9; began relaxation techniques by 9; remind myself to relax when I get tense; thank God every day for the things I have that are good; ask for help with problems; release children and problems to God's care; breathe and quote slogans when in traffic or lines or with Glen
15, Have I had any fears removed from my life? Which ones? I don't know if I can say totally removed, but my fear and anxiety levels have greatly decreased overall. I feel I am gaining the strength to be more courageous in speaking my piece and sticking to my principles.
16. What negative behaviors or traits are lessening or have been removed? My negative attitude that life is just a burden to bear, my negative attitude that work is just something to be endured, and in general just feeling happier and more positive about life based on my choices and retaping my usual script in my mind. I feel that my quick trigger to panic in general has lessened because I have tools to maintain my serenity now. I run to those when I feel that fear rising. I also know now to look at what could be causing that feeling of chest tightening. Is it something I'm avoiding? Is it something I need to deal with or listen to now?
17.What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for a negative behavior I wish to release? In many cases, how important is it, easy does it, or let go and let God work for many of those. The impatience is hit by the first two; the fears by the third; the obsessions by the first two. Think is another good one - think before I react in the old ways. Think before I try to chase down a child to talk and make suggestions.
18. Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new behaviors? I can still start to go off the deep end, but then I catch myself. I then try to implement my new ways and learning. Little by little, it is becoming easier.
19. Am I able to laugh fondly at my mistakes and not be devastated when I am not perfect? Can I love and celebrate my humanness while working for balance? Yes. I found myself laughing at how incredibly small and humorous my behavior can be when I was talking with the counselor about the reasons Glen and I don't enjoy vacations together. It is so trivial; yet I took it all so seriously. I am learning that it is okay not to be perfect, but I am trying to rededicate myself to uncompromisingly doing my best.
20. As I turn my defects over to God, are new shortcomings coming to light? If so, can I continue to ask God for help? Yes and yes. I do see now that I have compromised on doing my best at work, but I can forgive myself because I believe my energy was needed for recovery plus all my emotional energy used to go into the insane behavior. I am learning to hear that little voice that tells me when I need to make a change.
21. As I work step 7, do I see a change in my relationship with my HP? I think I have truly become more willing to let him take over my burdens. I can do what I can do and let God deal with the rest. It is a relief not to continually dwell on the problems and hurts.
1. What does humility mean to me? Whom do I know who possesses this trait? Humility means that I do not put on airs or try to be more than I am just to impress people. It means that I am aware that I do not have all the answers and am not correct all the time. I am confident in myself but retain the knowledge that I cannot be all or do all. I sometimes need help and am able to both seek it and accept it. These people are secure in themselves.
hiking group: Margaret, Nancy, Regina Al Anon: Dale, Kathy D., southern Mary, Marty
2. Am I humble? What can help me be so? I am not always able to be humble. Sometimes I find myself feeling superior - usually in the form of being smarter than someone else. I can use the program to remind myself that I am not better or worse than anyone else. I can talk to my sponsor about situations that trigger pride or shame so that I can find the root cause and deal with it. I can ask God for assistance. I also tend to compare myself to others instead of focusing on being my very best.
3. What old behaviors get in the way of my being humble? Pride - my only asset I was praised for was my intelligence so I tend to lean on it as being a great asset. I watched my father patronize others and learned that behavior also. I never thought I was as awful about it as he was, but I have to guard against it with my husband in particular and sometimes the thoughts come about students or others who are not as intelligent. I think I know best about many things, but since I have obviously made a mess of some parts of my life, I do not always know best!
4. What defects am I ready to have removed? Judgmental thoughts; impatience in traffic and lines as well as with those less quick than I am; obsessive behavior; overreactions to small things; need to control what happens in a relationship; excessive worry; comparing myself to others in terms of appearance, material goods, and hiking speed/ability.
5. Do I believe that my HP can remove these defects? How do I know this? Yes, I believe that He has supernatural power - beyond my own limited ability to remove them from me. I feel his power and loving feelings toward me. Only God can change me from the inside. He keeps putting me in those situations so that I can practice doing the right thing.
6. Am I ready to ask God to remove these defects? Yes. I felt afraid, but faith tells me that the defects will be removed and replaced with healthy behavior. I am not always sure what purpose they served, but I think sometimes it was a release pressure valve or some kind of comfort in the midst of insanity - some feeling of control - an illusion but helpful at the time.
7. How do I humbly ask God to remove these defects? I will add this to my prayers saying that I am willing to do what I am asked= God's will but not pray in a controlling or demanding way - just asking when God is also ready could he please remove my defects.
8. Which shortcoming is causing me the most trouble right now? Excessive worry and anxiety - it's always there below the surface. I am constantly fighting it. I will dip into depression if I dwell too much on what my son is doing or the possibility that my daughter could return to drugs. I am future tripping about things that haven't happened. Sometimes the worry is based on real history, but I cannot know the outcome. I would like to learn to let these go - make plans and set goals but leave the results to God and still go about my day and life with serenity - not waiting for the next act of a child to ruin my day/life. It is difficult for me to find good things in each day as I tend to always be planning something and miss what is happening in the moment and get anxious about how things will turn out - kids will be healed? Kids will find that open door and go through it? Kids will have good careers, partners? Will we have enough money?
What benefits do I get from it? Acting on the worry makes me feel I am doing something to solve the problem. It occupies my mind. What problems does it cause? Depression. The feeling that I need to go haring off right now and try to do something about it instead of waiting to see what will happen naturally. I have a hard time waiting.
9. How can I treat myself with compassion in my recovery and ask for the willingness to keep trying? I can forgive myself if I obsess. I can find other ways to occupy my mind such as a task left undone or do some reading of inspirational literature. I can exercise to become calm. I can listen to music, sit in the hot tub. I can pray for assistance in letting the problem go. Once I have looked at the angles, I can decide what the solution is I would like; then say to God find the creative solution that I can't see and help me to wait it out until I see what will happen.
10. Do I have a sponsor? Yes. If not, what character defects would I have to overcome in order to ask for help? I had to find the courage to face my fear of rejection.
11. What can I do to cooperate with my higher power to remove my shortcomings? I can make the choice daily to not have that defect, to breathe through anxiety and frustration, to take a quiet moment to pray and ask for guidance and help in meeting my goals. I can pray to know God's will for me and wait until I hear it. I can choose each day to walk a healthy path and to live with complete integrity. I can rededicate myself to excellence daily.
12. What positive changes can I make in myself? Every day I can choose to make it a great day. By actually speaking the words and not giving in to negative voices/taping, I can be successful with the positive changes/goals I have set for myself. I can put forth effort to stop myself from voicing frustration or any complaints.
13. What positive trait do I want to develop to substitute for a trait I want to eliminate?
obsession/anxiety: ability to let go and let God
overeating: ability to maintain discipline and self control
disorganization in filing and in house: ability to maintain discipline to work on this weekly so I can find things I need
impatience and frustration intolerance: ability to retain serenity in these situations by using slogans etc.
judgmental: let go of comparisons between me and others or any feelings of superiority and inferiority which result in judgmental thoughts
financial irresponsibility: maintain discipline for myself and children; if we aren't willing to save up for it and pay cash, we can't have it exceptions: emergencies like car or medical
14. What can I do this week to practice a positive trait? I can attempt to get enough sleep as my attitude and feeling is always better so not get involved in a good movie or show after 9; not exercise after 9; began relaxation techniques by 9; remind myself to relax when I get tense; thank God every day for the things I have that are good; ask for help with problems; release children and problems to God's care; breathe and quote slogans when in traffic or lines or with Glen
15, Have I had any fears removed from my life? Which ones? I don't know if I can say totally removed, but my fear and anxiety levels have greatly decreased overall. I feel I am gaining the strength to be more courageous in speaking my piece and sticking to my principles.
16. What negative behaviors or traits are lessening or have been removed? My negative attitude that life is just a burden to bear, my negative attitude that work is just something to be endured, and in general just feeling happier and more positive about life based on my choices and retaping my usual script in my mind. I feel that my quick trigger to panic in general has lessened because I have tools to maintain my serenity now. I run to those when I feel that fear rising. I also know now to look at what could be causing that feeling of chest tightening. Is it something I'm avoiding? Is it something I need to deal with or listen to now?
17.What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for a negative behavior I wish to release? In many cases, how important is it, easy does it, or let go and let God work for many of those. The impatience is hit by the first two; the fears by the third; the obsessions by the first two. Think is another good one - think before I react in the old ways. Think before I try to chase down a child to talk and make suggestions.
18. Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new behaviors? I can still start to go off the deep end, but then I catch myself. I then try to implement my new ways and learning. Little by little, it is becoming easier.
19. Am I able to laugh fondly at my mistakes and not be devastated when I am not perfect? Can I love and celebrate my humanness while working for balance? Yes. I found myself laughing at how incredibly small and humorous my behavior can be when I was talking with the counselor about the reasons Glen and I don't enjoy vacations together. It is so trivial; yet I took it all so seriously. I am learning that it is okay not to be perfect, but I am trying to rededicate myself to uncompromisingly doing my best.
20. As I turn my defects over to God, are new shortcomings coming to light? If so, can I continue to ask God for help? Yes and yes. I do see now that I have compromised on doing my best at work, but I can forgive myself because I believe my energy was needed for recovery plus all my emotional energy used to go into the insane behavior. I am learning to hear that little voice that tells me when I need to make a change.
21. As I work step 7, do I see a change in my relationship with my HP? I think I have truly become more willing to let him take over my burdens. I can do what I can do and let God deal with the rest. It is a relief not to continually dwell on the problems and hurts.
Goals for 2012
1. lose 60 lbs
2. stick to boundaries with kids with help of counselor and Al-Anon
3. finish steps 7-12 and other self improvement
4. get into and retain shape for lots of outings
5. earn/find enough money to not add to the debt and hopefully drop it a bit
6. Kiku onto her own loan and keeps up at school.
7. Keisuke does well at school.
8. Improve relationships.
9. Build my language skills particularly kanji and French
10. filing and other chores get done daily/weekly so I feel disciplined and organized
11. walk dog and other exercise goals
2. stick to boundaries with kids with help of counselor and Al-Anon
3. finish steps 7-12 and other self improvement
4. get into and retain shape for lots of outings
5. earn/find enough money to not add to the debt and hopefully drop it a bit
6. Kiku onto her own loan and keeps up at school.
7. Keisuke does well at school.
8. Improve relationships.
9. Build my language skills particularly kanji and French
10. filing and other chores get done daily/weekly so I feel disciplined and organized
11. walk dog and other exercise goals
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
