Tradition One Questions - Pathways

Our common welfare should come first.  Personal progress for the greatest number depends on unity.

1.  How can I apply this tradition to my everyday life?  This to me says that everyone is equally important.  We cannot progress if we allow some people to dominate and run roughshod over others.  This tells me that I must have a voice but not too much of a voice.  It is okay to disagree.  Perhaps we need to shelve something for awhile or agreed to disagree and then wait to see if some solution we can't see is out there.  I think this is important for my family, work family, and my hiking group. 

2.  How do I use this tradition in my meeting?  I share in many meetings because what I have to say may be helpful to someone.  However, I limit my sharing to a couple of minutes or less.  I feel I need to develop the courage to say something when someone is rambling and taking more than five minutes particularly when it forces the meeting to go overtime.

3.  How does this Tradition give me the right to offer my opinion?  How can I do this without dominating or having to win?  It says that everyone has a voice that is equally valued.  I can calmly state that I don't agree, but if it does not go my way, I need to be okay with that.

4.  What does common welfare mean to me?  my group?  In other areas of service work within Al-Anon?  It means that all of us are working to heal.  That means I have a responsibility to think of others besides myself and work to be a blessing to them as well as looking for healing for myself.  I think all service contributes to the growth and well being of the group.

5.  What does unity mean to me?  We all work together and do not allow conflicts to destroy us.  We don't gossip or badmouth other people.  We work out any issues we have and don't run from conflicts but take an unemotional look at how we can solve it.

6.  Do I consider myself to be open-minded?  Yes.  Always?  No.  It is an area that I sometimes need to work.  I can sometimes get a bit overly invested in my solution or plan and have a little trouble letting it go and being completely flexible.

7.  Am I willing to respect others' views?  How?  I would not say that I am 100% good at this as I sometimes think something someone says is pretty stupid.  I realize I have no right to be judgemental, but it does not always stop those thoughts.  I would never outwardly disrespect another person other than my husband.  The way I treat him at times can be pretty disrespectful.  Even if I think he's being an idiot, it's not really okay to say it like that.  I need to try to listen and understand.

8.  Am I willing to accept and appreciate what others are able to give?  Yes.  Sometimes I don't want someone to give to me as it hooks some feeling deep down that I am obligated to reciprocate.

9.  Am I expressing myself for unity or for manipulation and control?  I would have to examine my motives each time as I know for a fact that I sometimes want to control the destination and not change the plan I worked hard on.  I am working on letting go and most of the time I am okay with changing to what the group wants to do.

10.  How do I keep Al-Anon unity in mind when expressing my opinion?  I work on reminding myself to Think, be Kind, keep the relationship over being right and now with a group I am reminding myself of this tradition.

11.  How am I flexible?  I often will change my vote to support the majority and am willing to not be on the "winning" side.  I can usually see and understand all sides.  If I feel some stubbornness rising, I need to examine why that situation causes that response.

12.  Am I bringing anything positive to this group?  my family?  My personal relationships?  Yes.  I am sharing what I am learning with others.  I am learning not to complain and gossip.  I am becoming the kind of person people enjoy being with.

13.  Do endless sharings at meetings hinder the unity of the group?  If so, how can this be handled?  I believe they do as everyone becomes restive particularly when the sharing is of complaining or goes over the ending time.  People get annoyed at having to sit through something that isn't helpful to the group.  I feel that we need to discuss this in group inventories and decide what to do.  I think a polite reminder of time limits would be helpful.  Something like we agreed to keep the amount of time limited so all who want to can share.  I would like to see an actual number of minutes placed in the preamble.  The only exception would be for new members who don't know what the program is about and are in crisis and need to get it out. 

14.  What other ways do groups suffer when members dominate meetings?  I covered most of this above, but I do feel it engenders resentments against those people who consistently dominate and may also cause new people not to return because they don't want to be subjected to endless droning.  I don't think anyone should be allowed to share twice unless no-one else speaks up.  I need to say this at the next inventory.

15.  How can I be a part of the solution to my group's problems and not part of the problem?  I need to attend all meetings about group function and offer my opinions.

16.  Am I giving with love?  How?  Every day I dedicate myself to finding a way to be a blessing to others - even if just in a small way.  It is like the bookmarker with "Just for Today" advice - being of service.  I feel a great love towards others in my group and family. 

17.  Do I listen with love to others with whom I either don't agree or dislike?  I sometimes feel irritated by some sharing as I feel it is off program, but I work on continuing to listen with kindness.  There are only a few people I don't like much - those tend to be the dominators, the whiners, or the super religious/mentally ill.  Something about them is offputting to me.  I realize how when I do those kinds of behaviors that I am offputting to others also.

18.  Am I an informed member of Al-Anon, supporting local, national etc Al-Anon in all their affairs?  How can I become informed?  I am somewhat informed.  I listen to announcements, read the bulletins and GSR notebook, and read the literature.  Little by little, I am learning the program.

19.  Do I welcome newcomers in the same manner as y long-time Al-Anon friends?  Am I willing to change?  I listen to what they say and am learning to say those things also.  I try to make time to talk to a new person after the meeting and focus in an especially supportive way for them.  I try to keep a connection going with someone with whom I feel a special attraction.

20.  When I share, am I honest in sharing the good and the bad?  Do I listen to the wisdom of long-time members?  My sponsor?  I crave the wisdom of long-time members as I see their serenity and want to attain that and then share with others.  I listen to my sponsor also although I sometimes feel I need to seek out others who have actually done all the steps.

21.  Do I understand there are no rules but only suggested guidelines?  Yes.  I like that as it is not too rigid, but the guidelines give a framework.  From there we can work together to make our group beneficial to all who come.