Tradition Five: our purpose

1.  How do I describe our primary purpose in a meeting?  to a newcomer?  I would say that our purpose is to support each other in our efforts to change our own thinking and behavior.  By doing so, everyone around us could be helped but certainly we will begin to feel better.

2.  Do I put my recovery first, ahead of others' needs? When?  How?  Usually.  I do not decide not to go to a meeting because a child/husband wants me to do something.  I work on my program daily - even if it is not as much as I would like to do.  I realize that if I do nothing, I spin out of control again.

3.  Do I realize that welcoming and comforting is not limited to newcomers?  Why?  Yes.  I attempt to be kind to other people in all parts of my life.  I also need to beware of cliquish behavior.  I may feel closer to some people in Al-Anon, but it is important to share and be kind and inclusive to all.

4.  Am I welcoming to all newcomers , no matter what their problems?  How can I guide them to focus on the alcohol-related aspect of those problems?  I remind myself always to greet and say a welcome.  I tend to be shy, but I think sometimes that gives off an unwelcoming vibe; therefore, I am pushing myself to have a friendly smile.  I can ask what is going on in their lives and give them a time to vent; then suggest some work in the books to help them move away from complaining.

5.  How can I be more "newcomer" friendly?  I need to keep pushing myself to take the time to talk to them after a meeting and say again "welcome; keep coming back".

6.  How do I welcome long time members or those who have come back after a long absence?  I always say that "it is good to see you again" and ask about how things are going.  I have a friendly smile for all.

7.  How might my group give newcomers individual attention?  We have a newcomers' blurb, but it might be good to decide ahead who will share step 1 so there's no lag plus I have heard that bigger groups have a special newcomers' group - someone volunteers to take them to another room and talk about the program in more depth.  I would have found that useful.  I bought the books and kind of oriented myself.

8.  Do I ever call newcomers or someone who has been missing from the group?  Yes, I did that but only once.  I felt a particular connection with her.  She has never returned but had told me she would.  I am reminded of Joel's last sermon in which he told us to "sic" the prodigals.  He said if we notice someone missing, we need to contact them and say "We miss you.  We need you.  We love you".  I think I need to try to do something like that at least once a week.  I have not done well with the other member calls.  I am good about keeping the time with my sponsor but not so great about contacting others.

9.  As a group, how do we use steps and traditions to help families of alcoholics?  Each meeting has a theme.  Each month there is one meeting devoted to a step and one to a tradition.  By doing this, all steps and traditions are explored.  I believe this is wonderful for all of us as it gives us more insight into how others have worked them.

10.  What can we do as a group to make our fellowship known to those outside of Al-Anon?  We help with the phone tree so that if someone calls needing info, we can give info about the program and the meeting schedule.  Once we are well into healing, I believe that people will want what we have:  positive attitude.  If people asked me about the changes, I tell them.  I also will tell anyone who confesses a problem with alcohol in a relative or friend as I think sometimes people don't know about the help that is out there.

11.  How can I help others understand that alcoholism is a disease?  I will share this information whenever I hear someone say something that shows they are misinformed.  It may not change their mind, but the seeds have been at least planted.  When there is a celebrity rehab, I will talk about that person with compassion not the awful gossip or put downs most will use.

12.  What does comfort mean to me?  How can I extend that to another?  Comfort means feeling listened to and understood.  A knowing look, a kind word, a hug . . . these are all part of it for me.  When people nod when I talk, I know I am not alone.  I can listen to others and nod because I do understand.  I can be there for that phone call or some other service.

13.  What does encouraging the alcoholic mean to me?  How might I react differently if the diseased person in my life had diabetes or cancer?  Encouraging means being respectful and not nagging all the time.  I need to say my opinion once; then let it be.  Shaming does not work.  There would be no shame if the person had another illness.  Being kind.