Step 8 - Made of List of Person I Have Harmed and Became Willing to Make Amends to Them All

Whom I Have Harmed
 1. myself
 2.  Keisuke
3.  Kiku
4.  Glen
5.  Kazuya
6.  Alyse
7.  Kathy
8.  Becky
9.  vet clerk

How I Have Harmed
1. blaming myself; berating myself
2.  by stepping in to fix everything; by not realizing the extent of the damage done forcing him to go to his dad's; talking about his problems to others; being to focused on my own discouragement to really listen; by always rescuing him and allowing him to be abusive to me and become a taker and not a giver
3.  rescuing with money/getting things at last minute; putting Keisuke's problems above the attention she deserved/not realizing how much harm was being done to her; talking about her private issues to others when it wasn't appropriate; being too wrapped up in my pain to listen well; not knowing how to approach when I observed issues
4.  demanding perfection/high expectations/nagging about smoking and other behaviors/trying to control; overreacting to his anxiety; being too wrapped up in self pity to be kind
5.  leaving without attempting other ways to work out the marriage/not knowing that alcoholism is a disease and trying to be supportive and encouraging; allowing him to do nothing and to be abusive
6, 7, 8 not having the courage to say what it is about her behavior that bothers me/confront her directly - might not help the situation but perhaps being honest rather than building the resentments might have helped
9 got upset with her for sticking to vet policies I don't agree with - she was snippy, but I didn't need to respond in kind - it happened when I was hitting my bottom

Appropriate Amends

1.  Use the tools to let go and let God
2.  stop stepping in; let him live his own life; encourage him to work through the damage however he chooses; work on myself, mind my own business; let him fail/hit bottom; apologize for my mistakes and do better but also make clear that he needs to fix it; I won't step in - sometimes even if he asks me too; call 911 if he becomes threatening or abusive/ruins any of my things; natural consequences
3.  let her experience consequences and be willing to spend time/give assistance when asked - if it does not violate the appropriate boundaries/silver rule of Al-Anon; continue to work on myself; give focused listening and encouragement
4.  Think before I speak; let go of old issues; stop nagging/ keep my mouth shut; let stuff go
5.  apologized; continue to try to be kind and not react to his behavior
6. 7, 8 become more honest all along with future people in my life - speak up for myself and not accept the unacceptable; stick to my boundaries; not really sure I want to rekindle much of a relationship as we didn't really have one anyway 
9  go back and explain/apologize