Step 8 - Pathways Questions

1.  Have I resisted making a list?  If so, why?   No.  I am perfectly willing to make amends.
2.  Did I use my fourth step as a tool for making a list?  I did write down resentments.  Those people are basically the ones on the list.
3.  Did I consult with my sponsor or others as to how they made their list?  No, but I did refer to conference materials when determining how to go about making the list.  What suggestions did they make?  How can I learn from them?  It is helpful to see who others decide to approach this step; then to see how they actually approached those to whom they wish to make amends.
4.  Am I willing to make amends?  Yes.  If yes, am I willing to write about my experience?  Yes.
5.  How have I used rationalization or justification to block me from becoming willing?  I have said that I did not harm that person, that they did more to me, or that I don't really want to reestablish a relationship with that person for reasons of safety or just not having had much of a relationship anyway.  I don't know if this is really avoiding with Kathy or Alyse.  I think I need to talk to people more about this.  I also felt that I have already made amends with some even though I didn't call it that when talking to them.  Is this a rationalization to avoid a formal amend?
6.  Do I understand that willingness is different from actually making the amend?  Describe the differences.  In this step, I list whom I think I have harmed and become ready to deal with the rift or the apology.  I do not actually plan out how I will make an amend.  I just decide that I am both ready and willing to make amends.
7.  Have I considered praying for the willingness?  Yes.  I have prayed for willingness and a way to do it that is kind and restorative to both parties.  How patient am I to become willing to make the difficult amends?  Quite patient - perhaps it will take a long time for the appropriate moment to present itself. Just the willingness and listing the people is a tremendous relief.
8.  How willing am I to be completely honest?  Quite willing, but sometimes I lack courage to say exactly what I feel if I think it might hurt so I have to find a way that is kind but says my feelings.
9.  Which people on my list am I willing to contact first?  Myself and my daughter because we are both working a program and will understand.  That means if I screw up, it is less important and we know.
10.  Have I included myself?  Why?  Yes.  I have hurt myself by beating myself up pretty constantly.
11.  How does the God of my understanding play a role in this step?  I am praying for the knowledge of whom I hurt beyond my family.  I also will need courage and the feeling I am not alone in case that person does not respond well.
12.  Can I share with my group my thoughts, feelings, and challenges with this step?  Yes.
13.  How can I encourage those I sponsor to begin working this step?  I do not sponsor anyone yet.  I wanted to give myself two years and have personal experience with all the steps before becoming a sponsor.  Otherwise, if I haven't had that experience, I don't believe I can truly understand and assist.  I would encourage them first to think about it and follow the Pathways guidelines as well as talking to others about how they approached it.  I can also talk about the relief I feel to see those people in print and understand better how my actions harmed them.
14.  As I work this step, how do I envision it helping with the relationships in my life?  It is vital that I see my part in any issues and step up to take responsibility for it immediately rather than letting it fester.  It is equally important that I speak up about any negative feelings and check them out with others before building long-term resentments.
15.  In reviewing my list, is there a pattern reflecting new defects in my character?  Can I see how those defects harmed others?  Is this a pattern I identified in steps 6 and 7?  Yes, my taking control did not allow them to face the consequences of their actions and grow as a result.  I also tend to have tunnel vision and not pay enough attention to others or what is going on around me.  As a result, my children didn't feel I was listening or cared about them.  I tended to throw money/things at them instead of taking time from my job.  I focused too much on one problem that I didn't see the others.
16.  Do I recognize when minding others' business may have harmed them or others?  Am I willing to recognize my need to make an amend?  Yes to both