I still hope to change you. I would like to see you happy and on your way to a decent career and permanent weight loss. I hope that by making an amend to you, you will begin to want the peace that Kiku and I have. This is wrong of me. It is hard to let go of my need/expectations for your life. It is your life. You have your own higher power; I am not it. This is so challenging for me as it hurts to watch you. I am working hard to maintain my own peace of mind even when you are so obviously suffering. I have no control over you. I just need to mind my own business and let you find your own solutions and your own path. You know what the resources are and are smart enough to go find your own way out of the darkness. I will always love you, but I have to let go of you and no longer do anything for you other than offering my love and encouragement while you solve your own problems. I would love to take your burdens away from you, but that is not possible.
Amends for the past:
*not seeing that it was hurting you to send you to dad's- not realizing how abusive he was to you
*not always paying attention because I was off in my own world of pain and blame and trying to escape
*not allowing you to solve your own problems as I thought my fixing it made your life easier and better - instead it took away your chance to grow
*talking about your issues with other people so that you felt you couldn't trust me - I need to talk about what hurts me, but I need to only tell my program people/therapist about it - they won't pass it on
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