Step 7 - Pathways Answers

Humbly asked God to Remove all our Shortcomings

1.  What does humility mean to me?  Whom do I know who possesses this trait?  Humility means that I do not put on airs or try to be more than I am just to impress people.  It means that I am aware that I do not have all the answers and am not correct all the time.  I am confident in myself but retain the knowledge that I cannot be all or do all.  I sometimes need help and am able to both seek it and accept it.  These people are secure in themselves.

hiking group:  Margaret, Nancy, Regina      Al Anon:  Dale, Kathy D., southern Mary, Marty

2.  Am I humble?  What can help me be so?  I am not always able to be humble.  Sometimes I find myself feeling superior - usually in the form of being smarter than someone else.  I can use the program to remind myself that I am not better or worse than anyone else.  I can talk to my sponsor about situations that trigger pride or shame so that I can find the root cause and deal with it.  I can ask God for assistance.  I also tend to compare myself to others instead of focusing on being my very best.

3.  What old behaviors get in the way of my being humble?  Pride - my only asset I was praised for was my intelligence so I tend to lean on it as being a great asset.  I watched my father patronize others and learned that behavior also.  I never thought I was as awful about it as he was, but I have to guard against it with my husband in particular and sometimes the thoughts come about students or others who are not as intelligent.  I think I know best about many things, but since I have obviously made a mess of some parts of my life, I do not always know best!

4.  What defects am I ready to have removed?  Judgmental thoughts; impatience in traffic and lines as well as with those less quick than I am; obsessive behavior; overreactions to small things; need to control what happens in a relationship; excessive worry; comparing myself to others in terms of appearance, material goods, and hiking speed/ability.

5.  Do I believe that my HP can remove these defects?  How do I know this?  Yes, I believe that He has supernatural power - beyond my own limited ability to remove them from me.  I feel his power and loving feelings toward me.  Only God can change me from the inside.  He keeps putting me in those situations so that I can practice doing the right thing.

6.  Am I ready to ask God to remove these defects?  Yes.  I felt afraid, but faith tells me that the defects will be removed and replaced with healthy behavior.  I am not always sure what purpose they served, but I think sometimes it was a release pressure valve or some kind of comfort in the midst of insanity - some feeling of control - an illusion but helpful at the time.

7.  How do I humbly ask God to remove these defects?  I will add this to my prayers saying that I am willing to do what I am asked= God's will but not pray in a controlling or demanding way - just asking when God is also ready could he please remove my defects.

8.  Which shortcoming is causing me the most trouble right now?  Excessive worry and anxiety - it's always there below the surface.  I am constantly fighting it.  I will dip into depression if I dwell too much on what my son is doing or the possibility that my daughter could return to drugs.  I am future tripping about things that haven't happened.  Sometimes the worry is based on real history, but I cannot know the outcome.  I would like to learn to let these go - make plans and set goals but leave the results to God and still go about my day and life with serenity - not waiting for the next act of a child to ruin my day/life.  It is difficult for me to find good things in each day as I tend to always be planning something and miss what is happening in the moment and get anxious about how things will turn out - kids will be healed?  Kids will find that open door and go through it?  Kids will have good careers, partners?  Will we have enough money?

What benefits do I get from it?   Acting on the worry makes me feel I am doing something to solve the problem.  It occupies my mind.   What problems does it cause?  Depression.  The feeling that I need to go haring off right now and try to do something about it instead of waiting to see what will happen naturally.  I have a hard time waiting.

9.  How can I treat myself with compassion in my recovery and ask for the willingness to keep trying?  I can forgive myself if I obsess.  I can find other ways to occupy my mind such as a task left undone or do some reading of inspirational literature.  I can exercise to become calm.  I can listen to music, sit in the hot tub.  I can pray for assistance in letting the problem go.  Once I have looked at the angles, I can decide what the solution is I would like; then say to God find the creative solution that I can't see and help me to wait it out until I see what will happen.

10.  Do I have a sponsor?  Yes.  If not, what character defects would I have to overcome in order to ask for help?  I had to find the courage to face my fear of rejection.

11. What can I do to cooperate with my higher power to remove my shortcomings?  I can make the choice daily to not have that defect, to breathe through anxiety and frustration, to take a quiet moment to pray and ask for guidance and help in meeting my goals.  I can pray to know God's will for me and wait until I hear it.  I can choose each day to walk a healthy path and to live with complete integrity.  I can rededicate myself to excellence daily.

12.  What positive changes can I make in myself?  Every day I can choose to make it a great day.  By actually speaking the words and not giving in to negative voices/taping, I can be successful with the positive changes/goals I have set for myself.  I can put forth effort to stop myself from voicing frustration or any complaints.

13.  What positive trait do I want to develop to substitute for a trait I want to eliminate?

obsession/anxiety:  ability to let go and let God
overeating:  ability to maintain discipline and self control
disorganization in filing and in house:  ability to maintain discipline to work on this weekly so I can find things I need
impatience and frustration intolerance:  ability to retain serenity in these situations by using slogans etc.
judgmental:  let go of comparisons between me and others or any feelings of superiority and inferiority which result in judgmental thoughts
financial irresponsibility:  maintain discipline for myself and children; if we aren't willing to save up for it and pay cash, we can't have it      exceptions:  emergencies like car or medical

14.  What can I do this week to practice a positive trait?  I can attempt to get enough sleep as my attitude and feeling is always better so not get involved in a good movie or show after 9; not exercise after 9; began relaxation techniques by 9; remind myself to relax when I get tense; thank God every day for the things I have that are good; ask for help with problems; release children and problems to God's care; breathe and quote slogans when in traffic or lines or with Glen

15,  Have I had any fears removed from my life?  Which ones?  I don't know if I can say totally removed, but my fear and anxiety levels have greatly decreased overall.  I feel I am gaining the strength to be more courageous in speaking my piece and sticking to my principles.

16.  What negative behaviors or traits are lessening or have been removed?  My negative attitude that life is just a burden to bear, my negative attitude that work is just something to be endured, and in general just feeling happier and more positive about life based on my choices and retaping my usual script in my mind.  I feel that my quick trigger to panic in general has lessened because I have tools to maintain my serenity now.  I run to those when I feel that fear rising.  I also know now to look at what could be causing that feeling of chest tightening.  Is it something I'm avoiding?  Is it something I need to deal with or listen to now?

17.What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for a negative behavior I wish to release?  In many cases, how important is it, easy does it, or let go and let God work for many of those.  The impatience is hit by the first two; the fears by the third; the obsessions by the first two.  Think is another good one - think before I react in the old ways.  Think before I try to chase down a child to talk and make suggestions.

18.  Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new behaviors?  I can still start to go off the deep end, but then I catch myself.  I then try to implement my new ways and learning.  Little by little, it is becoming easier.

19.  Am I able to laugh fondly at my mistakes and not be devastated when I am not perfect?  Can I love and celebrate my humanness while working for balance?  Yes.  I found myself laughing at how incredibly small and humorous my behavior can be when I was talking with the counselor about the reasons Glen and I don't enjoy vacations together.  It is so trivial; yet I took it all so seriously.  I am learning that it is okay not to be perfect, but I am trying to rededicate myself to uncompromisingly doing my best.

20.  As I turn my defects over to God, are new shortcomings coming to light?  If so, can I continue to ask God for help?  Yes and yes.  I do see now that I have compromised on doing my best at work, but I can forgive myself because I believe my energy was needed for recovery plus all my emotional energy used to go into the insane behavior.  I am learning to hear that little voice that tells me when I need to make a change.

21.  As I work step 7, do I see a change in my relationship with my HP?  I think I have truly become more willing to let him take over my burdens.  I can do what I can do and let God deal with the rest.  It is a relief not to continually dwell on the problems and hurts.