6/2

Some real irritation with Carole from the meetup.  Not only does she usually flake out at the last minute but she seems to think she can dictate what's happening at my cabin.  Actually, does she really or did her shitty little e-mail just hook that response.  She wrote something about her post and put exclamation points.  That really pissed me off.  I can't be on top of everything plus she had originally said she wanted to stay until Wed.  I posted a comment about the backpacking being only one night if that was the case and was everyone ok with that. No-one responded so now that we're only two weeks out it seemed prudent to get that clarified so I just feel angry about a crappy response from someone who isn't dependable or committed to our group.  I really want to find more people like me.   Perhaps I'm a bit obsessive about it, but it seems important to be reliable and only cancel if it's necessary - not just because you decided you didn't feel like it.  When I write this, I realize this is most likely controlling behavior and isn't important to take so personally. 

I need to let it go.  I just know that's the kind of person she is so I don't need to justify it - just feel the irritation and look for the reason behind it and not respond.  I like her ok when she goes out with us; it's just I realize she's not really the type I want to see be part of the group.  I would like to have a core group who comes through.  I can't really plan much ahead right now, but I prefer people not to jump on board just to jump off at the last second.  It just feels like I wasted my time.  All this worry is a waste of time also.

I was so upset at Glen's company for dumping us off the insurance as everything had been settled in such a way that we could have managed not to use all our money for it.  I can look at it as a lesson to us about doing better about boundaries with credit and money.  We're up to our ears in debt again - never wanted to be in this place again so obviously none of us is good at living within our means.  We need to learn that.  I just need to hope that somehow some insurance manages to come through for us.  It's hard for us to focus on jobs with all this stuff happening.  I had to pay a huge amount out of pocket; the credit card will max out; my checking account is down to $467.  There's a huge amount to pay on Orcas.  Maybe this is the lesson that I can't dream about another property either because there's just too much expense and just plan on staying out of debt and just getting the used RV for tootling around to different places and keep money for special vacations now and then.  I guess the answer/solution will reveal itself.  So much is hanging over us.  I have to remember my daily affirmations and gratitude list.  We have to plan to not go bankrupt either.  I'm learning a lot of lessons about boundaries.  I think boundaries and communication are the biggest issues to work on at this time - for all of us.