Monday was a difficult day because Keisuke wasn't acting very understanding about the fact that I might be pretty upset about Kiku myself. I spent the day making myself crazy about what he could be doing because he wasn't answering. I thought maybe he was falling apart, but I felt my first duty was to support Kiku in her life and death struggle with heroin. I need to start calling Al-Anon people and get my sponsor set up to help me through those insane/difficult days. As far as I know, though, he did actually end up doing everything he was supposed to plus he says the anti-depressants are working well. I need to read up on depression also as that seems to be the root of Kiku's problem. I can't really blame myself or scream how unfair all this is when it's a true medical condition. I am asking my higher power for insurance help. Some financial breaks are coming our way here and there just as I was feeling total despair. I really want our insurance to pay for inpatient since that is Fairfax's recommendation for her. I can't quite see jeopardizing our financial resources to pay for it out of pocket; yet I think it's also important to put people above money. However, all of us are dependent on that for a cushion if something more goes wrong for us.
Tuesday was a better day because Kiku looked so good, and Keisuke and I had a good day. I'm not thrilled about losing more money to take him to the correct orientation, but if it means we get his tuition and books paid for 3 years, I guess I can lose another $75. I think I can't do an extra job while Kiku's in this critical part of treatment. I'm glad we didn't spend the money for the deck either even though it's in bad shape. I may need every penny to get her well. I love her so much. I believe she can step up now to do her part, but if something happens with her and Blake, I'm not sure how well she'll do - at least not during this first year.
Spirituality for those who've been to hell and don't want to go back there. I love that quote from NA book.
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