May Musings

Having a hard time these few weeks - just too much to do so my thoughts/stress have been driving me crazy.  I am having a hard time following the program.  I'm so exhausted so HALT is definitely a huge issue. 

I didn't get the Rosetta job, but I'm ok with that.  I learned that driving over to Seattle or commuting to Bellevue during rush hour is just not something I'd want to do on a regular basis plus arriving late to the interview put me in a poor state of mind.  I just didn't care.  I don't want to work super weird hours so I just need to keep looking for something between 4-8:30 so I can keep Fridays off.  Ideally, I would get a Mon/Wed. class to teach every quarter.  That would be ideal.  Less ideal:  tutoring - because there is no real long-term commitment from those students.  I need stability as I'm not the person who handles changes super easily.  I would like a stable job that pays enough to make up the difference for what I'm losing.  I guess that I would know a few days in advance if Friday will be crummy so I can try to get a temp office job for those days.  Most places aren't taking subs either, and I just don't want to sub.  I want to keep my stress down during this early recovery period.

I need the time to focus on my program and get out to the hills as often as I can.  My head has been spinning, and I can't concentrate.  Just want to catch up on sleep and get some good exercise and back on the diet plan.  I've just been catching as catch can and not always as healthy as I normally would be so a lot of weight has come back.  I find that upsetting also as it's definitely a relapse.  I was doing so well at having a net loss of 10 lbs per year - slow but sustainable.  I have to make those choices each day.  I can't do sugar unless backpacking as I just am unable to burn it off.  It seems to have bad effects when I eat a lot of it - poisonous for my body.  Insomnia has become an issue again - mostly because I'm always on the run until 9-10 p.m.  I can't wait for these next 3 weeks to pass and actually be on 8 week break!  I need it.  I deserve it!  Today is the day I try to ask for a sponsor.  If D. can't, then I need to get B's number.  They also hike so it would be a great way to work together.

Keisuke's been nasty to me again.  Not only does it hurt, but I worry that he's in a depression again.  He hasn't followed through on learning about Kiku's illness nor getting outside support.  I feel sad to see Kiku's disappointment when her father doesn't come through.  I know that feeling all too well.