1. Do I treat myself well physically, mentally, and spiritually? I try to exercise a lot and eat decent food which is good for my body. I'm oh so slowly managing to get my weight back down so that my knees and feet will feel better. Mentally I believe I've stopped the constant bashing I used to do to myself. Spiritually: I'm trying to force myself into the now for several minutes at a time rather than spacing out to past or future. I'm reading nourishing books. I'm doing affirmations and trying to follow four agreements and quote slogans to myself as well as talking with God several times daily to share my gratitude for what I have and remind myself that I am working toward serenity in all my affairs and to dulling my self will.
2. Can I accept my physical appearance? Mostly, I don't do anything to mask the signs of aging, but I am not happy about being so overweight still in spite of all I do. Somehow I'm still using too much food and continually working on eating to live rather than living to eat. My thyroid's been tested, but I still think it's an issue. Everyone who knows me thinks I should still be skinny as I'm incredibly active and eat right. It doesn't make sense for me to still be so far over the normal range for my height. I don't want to accept that I can't change it because I think I will find the way.
3. Do I take pride in my appearance? I try to put together reasonable outfits, fix my hair, put on some make up for going out so yes, I feel better when I do that. I also feel better with every 10 pounds that comes off as I can wear more flattering/fashionable clothing when I'm thinner.
4. Do I eat the right foods? Yes, I do my best to avoid any fast food and as much processed food as possible. I choose lots of veggies, fruit, and whole grains and try to limit sugar and fat.
5. Do I get enough rest? I attempt to but have had insomnia for years. Now I'm on Ambien. It helps a bit. I keep on a regular routine and try to avoid naps so that I can train my body to sleep long periods at night.
6. When was the last time I went to the doctor for my own checkout? I go on a regular schedule for lab and other work. I still need to go for my knee - avoiding that one as long as it's summer.
7. p. 22 When was the last time I went to the dentist? I guess this one I let slide for all of us. It's been two years since my last cleaning. I have great teeth - cavities are rare, but I do like to get the cleanings every year so I need to schedule that for my next school break.
8. Do I have the courage not to let others abuse my body? Only my father and first husband ever hit me. I stood up to them afterwards after I got over the shock. There was a bit fear factor, but they weren't the real abuser types. They lost their tempers every few years. They didn't do it again.
9. Do I know what I can do to protect myself and others from violence? Yes, but this is a non issue now.
10. Do I like myself? I like being alone so I guess that means I like my company. Mostly, I would say yes. My defects seem quite glaring to me at times, but that would be my only hesitation.
11. Do I know that I am likeable? I'm not always sure this is true. I think not everyone can like everyone. Some people just hit some nerve even though those people are probably quite nice. I don't like helpless people in my group - ones who want to just take. I wonder how I come across to others as I don't think I'm equipped with that high social intelligence. I'm an introvert by nature. It takes awhile for me to relax. I see really dippy people who seem to have lots of friends. I wonder why they are so successful. I think I'm deeper and more reliable than those people; yet they have the social groups. Why?
12. Do I believe I can be lovable? I am not to the point where I can feel that 100% of the time, but I realize I'm not as bad as all that. It always surprises me when people who come across to me like big divas get lots of attention. I guess jealousy is not a good place to be, but I think I have done so much more than these people, and I know that they are big whiners and attention getters so I wonder why I am so often ignored. What do people see that I don't see? I feel petty when I wonder these things. I have been completely snubbed by some people, though. It's like I don't exist, and they practically knock me over to get to the person of interest. I'm learning to follow those four agreements not to take anything personally.
13. If I have been rejected by others, do I still feel lovable? There were a lot of hurts over the years when I wondered how the loyal, caring one could be rejected for an unstable type, but I grew to like being alone and learned to do things on my own. I still prefer solitude to big, noisy crowds. If I let my hair down or pitch one of my rare fits, I question whether anyone will choose to hang out with me again, but I realize slowly that people really don't think I'm crazy or too needy. Even though I don't get invited as much as I invite, I do still feel that people want my company. I also believe that I probably should have gone to some of the events I didn't feel like attending because now those people don't ask me anymore. It's like me with people I invite a lot with no response. I give up after awhile and figure it's their turn to get in touch with me.
14. Do I accept that possibility that I may indeed be a warm, loving human being? I have long term friendships and marital relationships so I guess I must do something right. In spite of my faults, I really do care about the people in my life.
15. Do I know I could be capable of a loving, deep relationship? It's hard for me to get to this stage, but I think I can approach this better with friends than with my spouse. I have not married compatible people as I married those who lied to me to make me believe they were compatible. I would love to find that compatible spouse, but for now my friendships are a good support and substitute for me.
16. Do I associate with emotionally healthy people? Not always, but I'm learning to listen to that voice that says I don't need to accept crap to keep a "friend". I have cut ties with the most unhealthy person in my life.
17. Do I understand that while irrational behavior may be typical of the disease of alcoholish, it is not always acceptable. Yes. That is why if I do allow myself the release of some kind of fit I understand that most people wouldn't understand so it's better to use slogans, breath, and journal about things as they happen and then speak directly to any feeling of unjust criticism rather than letting it fester until it blows. That is when I usually have a hissy fit so I need to speak up right away.
18. Have I considered the further help of a professional? I have gone off and on. I would like to do couples counseling also so we/I need to start trying some people out again to see if we can find someone we like that is on our plan.
19. Do I enjoy my own company? Yes!!!!! Only once in awhile do I feel depressed on my own. I love the chance to think, read, work my program.
20. have I considered buying myself a present? I do this a lot - new books and new backpacking stuff.
21. Am I as good to myself as I would be to someone I care for? I was pretty nasty with my self talk, but I have improved a lot over these past few months. I have been buying some things for myself, working the program in some way every single day, going on the activities I love so yes, I would say I'm being good to myself. I still fall off the diet and put crappy food in, but even that is better.
22. Have I developed some degree of self-respect, striving to develop a reasonable standard for myself rather than trying to measure up to someone else? Yes. I realize I can't be perfect and am using humor in the classroom if I can't get as organized as I'd like to be. I can't be someone outgoing, but now and then I can actually be humorous and entertaining. That person gets squelched by depression bouts.
23. Do I appreciate my abilities? Yes. I have a talent for languages that most people don't share. I'm getting stronger all the time and more sure of myself when taking on new hikes.
24. Can I accept my limitations? Yes, I'm learning to work with my brain and memory not being what it was and letting go of that need to be completely consistent and organized. It doesn't seem to be part of who I am.
25. Can I see my shortcomings as something short of an ideal? Yes.
26. Can I derive satisfaction out of working to improve myself? Yes. All I can do is work on growth and improvement. I will never be a finished product.
27. Do I take time to consider my own spiritual needs? Yes, I'd like to do more in terms of quiet reflection time a.m. and p.m., but I do engage in dialog and gratefulness to God. I feel I am aware of issues and trying to stay in the now. I can connect to the now and the feeling of peace more often.
28. Can I sit quietly in the middle of an outburst and remember that the accusations made against me may not be the facts? I am definitely improving in this one and not taking the blame or allowing guilt to rule me.
29. Do I know I have the right to be wrong? Yes. I'm getting better at saying the relationship is more important than winning the argument. I've been pretty good at admitting that I don't know or made a mistake. It can be pretty embarrassing with students, but it's a good example to them.
Findings:
Qualities I appreciate in myself: kindness to animals, loyalty and dependability, responsive to others' requests and feedback, leader in organizing activities, memory, quick thinker, quick visual processer
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