1. Do I accept responsibility (ability to respond to needs of self and others) to do something about my problems as they arise? I believe I'm doing better about facing issues head on rather than practicing avoidance or overanalyzing and fretting.
2. Do I set my goals realistically? I believe they're reasonable. I have a list of short term and a list of long term goals. I think about what I can accomplish in a period of time based on what I have historically been able to do. I tend to set goals such as keeping my dog clean and not stick to it for very long.
3. Do I consider my welfare when making decisions? Yes.
4. Am I true to my ideas, refusing to compromise myself just to keep the peace? NO. This is an area I am working on. I have often gone against my goals or boundaries because I was worn out from work and then coming home to fight.
5. Can I relax when I am by myself? It depends on where I am. If I'm in a peaceful setting without lots coming at me, I tend to relax completely. At home it's more difficult because there is always a list of tasks.
6. Have I kept an open mind, willing to learn no matter how long I have been in the program? I have always been open to learning. I have never felt that I was done learning. I just hadn't been working so much on introspection and personal, spiritual growth. I had worked more on getting physically stronger and thinner again as well as improving languages.
7. Can I be counted on by others? Yes. If I say I will do something, I commit to it. Only a true emergency would prevent me from doing what I promised.
8. (top of p. 16) Have I made an effort to attend several open AA meetings to hear the stories of other alcoholics? No, but I have read the stories in the NA book as well as attended family meetings at the treatment center which included the addicts/alcoholics.
9. Do I allow the alcoholic to face the consequences of his/her own actions? Before I knew better I did not. I rescued and protected. I am doing better about allowing consequences. However, I still think I have made life too comfortable for my daughter in her early recovery.
10. Do I try to provide a healthy form of supportive help for my loved ones? Now I am doing better at waiting for them to ask for help or advise.
11. Do I share the sober alcoholic's gratitude for the fellowship of AA? Yes. I am happy for her to working a program. I feel better if she is interacting with recovering addicts.
12. Do I respect the anonymity of all AA, Al-Anon, and Alateen members? Yes. I don't ever talk about names or specifics from meetings.
13. Do I make an effort to be at meetings even when I don't feel like going? I have made a commitment to the Thursday night group and have been mostly faithful about keeping that unless I had something else like a prior commitment to a family vacation. I am also trying to go to one other meeting per week. I prefer not to go weekly to the ones which require 30+ minutes of driving time unless I find one that I really enjoy.
14. Can I see the value in actively participating in meetings? Absolutely. I like to go to meetings and know someone else will show up. There was one time I agreed to chair, but no-one else showed up. It happened that it was a 40 minute drive roundtrip so it seemed rather a waste of time. I haven't been back to that one as there are so few people there that I can't guarantee there will be people. I like small meetings for sharing time, but I also want to know people are attending. If we all attend regularly and participate, we all benefit.
15. Do I give my time, ideas, and financial support to my home group? Yes. I give as much as I can right now.
16. Do I contribute to my local information or answering service or World Service whenever possible? No. I haven't done this type of service yet.
17. Have I volunteered for service that will take me outside of my home group? I volunteered to chair another group. I think that is about all I can do right now because I am so committed to my hiking group and kids. As some responsibilities ease, I plan to do more activities such as attending speakers' meetings and potlucks.
18. Do I see service on an individual, group, and assembly level as a way of helping myself grow? I know that service takes me out of my own head. I feel that I am service oriented in my job and hobby so it's hard for me to add more service at this point. Working in the group does help me see better ways for working in other groups like my family or hiking group.
19. Am I trying to become more familiar with Al-Anon's 12 traditions? Yes. I've been doing the reading and trying to apply some of them to my work in other groups.
20. Have I allowed myself to sponsor a newcomer? I have tried to make newcomers feel welcome, but I don't feel that I am ready to sponsor someone unless I have worked the program for at least a year and hopefully done all the steps at least once.
21. Have I examined the possibilities of becoming an Alateen sponsor? No. I probably would not do this one as I spend all day with teens as it is. I don't want that level of service commitment now and probably not in the future. I prefer adult time during my time off. I have newly adults at home who still need guidance as well.
22. Do I carry the Al-anon message through attraction remembering that I may be the only example of an Al-anon member that someone else may ever see? I try to be a good example and have talked in glowing terms of my experiences and shared literature with those who cared to hear more about it.
23. Can I discuss with my loved one pertinent issues such as sex and finances frankly and maturely? I'm getting better at it.
24. Can I accept love from another person as well as give it? It's a little hard for me to receive a gift without feeling bad about it and wanting to pay it back, but I'm learning to accept that it makes someone else feel good and trying to pay it forward.
25. Am I able to risk rejection by continuing to increase and deepen our communication? This one is hard for me with my children as they don't seem open to communicating anything with me except a desire for something.
26. Am I able to talk openly to my children about my reasons, values, and feelings? Mostly. It's just that right now they don't often want to be part of a true relationship with me.
27. Can I help my children build a sense of responsibility by giving them appropriate tasks around the home? I've tried this all along. I just am not good at figuring out a good consequence if they don't - particularly for adult children.
28. Can I apologize when I'm wrong? Yes.
29. Do I respect children's rights to privacy? Yes, but I sometimes think I've gone too far in this direction.
30. Do I allow children the freedom to make their own relationships? yes.
31. Do I avoid using children to support me in my criticisms? Yes.
32. Am I a good example for children? For the most part
33. Do I keep in touch with my parents at reasonable intervals? Yes, I have tried to call weekly and visit/do something with my living relatives at least once a month.
34. Do I have one good friend in Al-anon with whom I can talk openly? I believe I am building this type of relationship with my sponsor.
35. Do I treat my co-workers with dignity and consideration? Yes.
36. Do I avoid the tendency to use activities just to escape the problem at home? Yes, I'm getting better at that. I am home often and try to build a relationship with others here. I feel better when I get out hiking, but I try to limit that to 2-3 days per week. I am here if someone wants to talk. I'm attempting to stop and truly listen, but I guess I'm not quite trusted yet. I have expressed interest. I feel the ball is in the other court right now.
37. Have I learned all I can about the disease of alcoholism? I don't think it's possible to learn everything there is to know, but I try to read about it as well as listen to others.
38. Do I spend time each day trying through prayer, meditation, and reading to build a more conscious relationship with my Higher Power? Yes.
39. Am I grateful for my blessings? I am attempting to retrain myself to think in terms of what I have rather than what I want/lack.
40. Do I try to express my gratitude by carrying the Al-Anon message of love to others in all my affairs? I have trouble with traffic, lines, and making judgements about stupidity, but I am at least aware of that.
Responsibilities I Recognize as my own:
1. my attitude
2. my problems
3. my work
4. being open to relationship building/making overtures
5. being honest about my feelings/communicating directly
6. my chores
7. my bills
8. economizing more
9. setting and keeping boundaries
10 setting goals and following through
11. commitment to the Al-Anon program
Responsibilities I need not have taken on:
1. worrying about others' feelings excessively
2. trying to protect others from anything negative (or thinking that I could do that)
3. paying off daughter's tickets and collections
4. getting sucked in by helpless members of my hiking group
5. making appointments for nearly adult son
6.
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