1. How am I taking responsibility for my actions and thoughts? Is my group taking responsibility for its actions and thoughts? How? I am taking responsibility. I make the choice to react and then I need to face the consequences. I am learning to take more time to think and reason out actions with others. I am learning to do nothing until I have a clear message where God wants me to go. My group does a group conscious and business meetings to talk about how some actions affect everyone. I am learning to make amends for the actions and not to blame others.
2. How am I allowing others the freedom to take responsibility for their own actions and thoughts? I am working hard to mind my own business and not make judgments or try to fix others. I am getting out of the way of the consequences of those actions even when it hurts to watch.
3. Am I accepting the consequences of my actions gracefully? Not always, but I am improving. Am I allowing others the same opportunity? Yes, and I am working not to complain about it.
4. Am I self-serving and selfish in the name of autonomy, or am I truly self-caring, asking for my HP's guidance? I think I tend to be self centered still, but I am working on being kind and of service even when it means I have to give up some time. I am trying hard to submit to my HP's will and guidance as my will hasn't worked out too well for me up to now!
5. How does my group consider the impatc of its decisions on Al-Anon, Alateen as a whole? Lone Members, inmates, groups, newcomers, long timers? The group discusses whether an action meets the expectations of Al-Anon etc. and looks at possible impacts on all groups. There is a group conscious and other shorter meetings and voting on different items plus some issues are taking up the ladder to see what the response is.
6. What were my feelings as a new member? Did I feel welcomed? Can I share my thoughts with my group? Others? I was nervous, not sure it would help but at the bottom and willing to try anything. I felt welcomed. I have a hard time breaking in socially at first, but someone came over to talk. I felt more welcomed by Thurs than by Wed. Wed smokers and people allowed to take over and not talk recovery but just complaints turned me off. I could share. It's just a bit hard to remember now. My brain gets so fuzzy.
7. Do I remember Al-Anon's primary purpose in my service activities? Yes. How does this affect my actions? I try to put myself out there more to be welcoming rather than hiding behind shyness. If I feel a personal response to someone, I attempt to reach out.
8. Am I dogmatic in my reasoning, or am I flexible in the interpretation of the suggested guidelines? How can I be more flexible? I don't feel all that qualified yet to comment on guidelines. I leave this to the long term members unless I truly feel I have something I understand well enough for me to comment. I think I would be flexible, but sometimes I get stuck on something and can't let it go. It's hard for me to say now.
9. When visiting a new group, do I feel irritated if it's not just like my home group? No. I have visited 3 other groups recently and still found it helpful. I would like them to start later so I can get there, but it's not up to me. I would like them to last longer, but again it is not my place to control. What can I learn from visiting other groups? That Al-Anon priniciples are at work everywhere so I can find help and support even if just dropping in. Do I want to straighten out a group? No, I did not have that response. I was grateful there was a group to visit.
10. In my personal life, how can I apply this Tradition to my family? Are we autonomous? Do our actions affect other families? Our communities? I believe few of our actions affect in a big way except perhaps trying to converse energy and be clean. We do need to think about how our actions affect others when we make decisions.
11. Tradition four asks us to be obedient to the unenforceable. What does this mean to me? It means that I/we do the right thing even though no one is around to watch us or make us do that.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Amends to Keisuke
I still hope to change you. I would like to see you happy and on your way to a decent career and permanent weight loss. I hope that by making an amend to you, you will begin to want the peace that Kiku and I have. This is wrong of me. It is hard to let go of my need/expectations for your life. It is your life. You have your own higher power; I am not it. This is so challenging for me as it hurts to watch you. I am working hard to maintain my own peace of mind even when you are so obviously suffering. I have no control over you. I just need to mind my own business and let you find your own solutions and your own path. You know what the resources are and are smart enough to go find your own way out of the darkness. I will always love you, but I have to let go of you and no longer do anything for you other than offering my love and encouragement while you solve your own problems. I would love to take your burdens away from you, but that is not possible.
Amends for the past:
*not seeing that it was hurting you to send you to dad's- not realizing how abusive he was to you
*not always paying attention because I was off in my own world of pain and blame and trying to escape
*not allowing you to solve your own problems as I thought my fixing it made your life easier and better - instead it took away your chance to grow
*talking about your issues with other people so that you felt you couldn't trust me - I need to talk about what hurts me, but I need to only tell my program people/therapist about it - they won't pass it on
*
Amends for the past:
*not seeing that it was hurting you to send you to dad's- not realizing how abusive he was to you
*not always paying attention because I was off in my own world of pain and blame and trying to escape
*not allowing you to solve your own problems as I thought my fixing it made your life easier and better - instead it took away your chance to grow
*talking about your issues with other people so that you felt you couldn't trust me - I need to talk about what hurts me, but I need to only tell my program people/therapist about it - they won't pass it on
*
Step 10 - Pathways Questions
Daily charting of typical personal strengths and weaknesses to check off at night:
1. I kept my serenity when faced with traffic or other frustrations, rude people, someone trying to pick a fight with me.____
2. I used the program for meditation and reprogramming today.____
3. I tried to be a blessing to others today/did some kind of service________
4. I was kind to everyone I met._______
5. I practiced good listening._____
6. I owe an amend to:______________
7. I did combat with my need to future trip/obsess about something._______
8. I minded my own business today.________
9. I let go of my need to control._____
10. I did not judge/criticize another person today.__________
Questions:
1. What is the purpose of Step 10? It allows me to continue my program by looking at what about myself that I can still improve. It helps me to have the courage to ask for help if I need it and apologize if I was wrong - and to be strong enough to not rationalize or make excuses - simply make it right.
2. How do I feel about continuing to take a personal inventory? I feel good about this because it will allow me to continue making progress. I can never say that I am done as I will change based on the work I am doing. I need to keep looking at myself for how I can change rather than demanding someone else change no matter how much I might want to see a different outcome for that person. I need to continue in the path to peace no matter what happens around me. Inventory will help me see the areas about myself to change in order to maintain serenity even when I don't get what I want.
3. What means of taking daily inventory is comfortable for me? I took the suggestion in the book to write out typical areas of challenge for me and then taking a few minutes each night to check in about how I did with those each day.
4. What will help me continue to apply program tools when life gets rough? The daily readers. Rereading them I see new things as my life changes. I will read all the conference literature as well as other activities like car CDs to help me reprogram myself and allow myself to grow. I can call people in the program. Whenever I reach out, I feel better. I can share the program with my husband so that even if he chooses not to do it, I am sharing tidbits of wisdom so that I can discuss them with him and involve him in my life just a bit more. Other perspectives help me know what to do. I will continue to talk to God daily - sharing my gratitude and joys as well as discouragement. I will ask for guidance and the courage to do what I hear.
5. When might I need to take a spot check? If I am having the crazies, feeling hooked by someone's words or actions as I need to examine where that comes from, why I feel threatened or depressed. I may not be able to figure it out, but it helps to remember I am right where I am supposed to be and that I need to keep moving forward even if I am leaving others behind.
6. In a daily inventory I can ask myself:
a. What were the major events of the day?
b. What feelings did I experience?
c. How did I deal with them?
d. Did I get myself involved today in any situation I had no business being in?
e. What can help me to accept myself as I make mistakes again and again?
f. Did fear or faith rule my actions today?
g. How can I admit my wrong despite my pride and fear that it will be used against me?
h. Am I at fault for tying for peace at any price? What are my motives?
i. How do I know when to make amends and when not to?
j. What positive traits did I exhibit today?
k. What negative traits did I exhibit today?
l. How did I try to fix anyone today?
m. How can I "let go and let God"?
n. Did I abandon my own needs today? How?
o. Have I been too accommodating - saying yes when I mean no?
p. Was I afraid of an authority figure? Of anyone? Why or why not?
q. What small things can I do to practice standing up for myself?
r. How did I take on anyone else's responsibility today?
s. What am I afraid will happen if I don't take on extra responsibility?
t. If I was wrong, did I promptly admit it?
u. What can I do to take care of myself today?
v. Is there something that I need to take a longer look at? What is it?
w. Have I done something difficult or particularly well today? How can I appreciate myself for it?
x. How could sharing my daily Tenth Step inventory with another person, such as my sponsor, help me?
y. What characteristics show up most often in my inventory?
z. What do I resist having them removed?
7. After practicing the Tenth Step, how have my feelings about it changed?
1. I kept my serenity when faced with traffic or other frustrations, rude people, someone trying to pick a fight with me.____
2. I used the program for meditation and reprogramming today.____
3. I tried to be a blessing to others today/did some kind of service________
4. I was kind to everyone I met._______
5. I practiced good listening._____
6. I owe an amend to:______________
7. I did combat with my need to future trip/obsess about something._______
8. I minded my own business today.________
9. I let go of my need to control._____
10. I did not judge/criticize another person today.__________
Questions:
1. What is the purpose of Step 10? It allows me to continue my program by looking at what about myself that I can still improve. It helps me to have the courage to ask for help if I need it and apologize if I was wrong - and to be strong enough to not rationalize or make excuses - simply make it right.
2. How do I feel about continuing to take a personal inventory? I feel good about this because it will allow me to continue making progress. I can never say that I am done as I will change based on the work I am doing. I need to keep looking at myself for how I can change rather than demanding someone else change no matter how much I might want to see a different outcome for that person. I need to continue in the path to peace no matter what happens around me. Inventory will help me see the areas about myself to change in order to maintain serenity even when I don't get what I want.
3. What means of taking daily inventory is comfortable for me? I took the suggestion in the book to write out typical areas of challenge for me and then taking a few minutes each night to check in about how I did with those each day.
4. What will help me continue to apply program tools when life gets rough? The daily readers. Rereading them I see new things as my life changes. I will read all the conference literature as well as other activities like car CDs to help me reprogram myself and allow myself to grow. I can call people in the program. Whenever I reach out, I feel better. I can share the program with my husband so that even if he chooses not to do it, I am sharing tidbits of wisdom so that I can discuss them with him and involve him in my life just a bit more. Other perspectives help me know what to do. I will continue to talk to God daily - sharing my gratitude and joys as well as discouragement. I will ask for guidance and the courage to do what I hear.
5. When might I need to take a spot check? If I am having the crazies, feeling hooked by someone's words or actions as I need to examine where that comes from, why I feel threatened or depressed. I may not be able to figure it out, but it helps to remember I am right where I am supposed to be and that I need to keep moving forward even if I am leaving others behind.
6. In a daily inventory I can ask myself:
a. What were the major events of the day?
b. What feelings did I experience?
c. How did I deal with them?
d. Did I get myself involved today in any situation I had no business being in?
e. What can help me to accept myself as I make mistakes again and again?
f. Did fear or faith rule my actions today?
g. How can I admit my wrong despite my pride and fear that it will be used against me?
h. Am I at fault for tying for peace at any price? What are my motives?
i. How do I know when to make amends and when not to?
j. What positive traits did I exhibit today?
k. What negative traits did I exhibit today?
l. How did I try to fix anyone today?
m. How can I "let go and let God"?
n. Did I abandon my own needs today? How?
o. Have I been too accommodating - saying yes when I mean no?
p. Was I afraid of an authority figure? Of anyone? Why or why not?
q. What small things can I do to practice standing up for myself?
r. How did I take on anyone else's responsibility today?
s. What am I afraid will happen if I don't take on extra responsibility?
t. If I was wrong, did I promptly admit it?
u. What can I do to take care of myself today?
v. Is there something that I need to take a longer look at? What is it?
w. Have I done something difficult or particularly well today? How can I appreciate myself for it?
x. How could sharing my daily Tenth Step inventory with another person, such as my sponsor, help me?
y. What characteristics show up most often in my inventory?
z. What do I resist having them removed?
7. After practicing the Tenth Step, how have my feelings about it changed?
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Tradition Three Questions from Pathways
1. Do I give each newcomer a warm and loving welcome? I have to remind myself now and then, but I make an effort to direct comments to that person.
2. Do I welcome all who attend our meetings even if they are different from me? How can my group be more welcoming of those who are different from us? Yes. I think our group is welcoming. Most of us tend to be middle aged women so others may decide our group is not for them, but we are welcoming.
3. Do I treat each member and potential member with unconditional love? Yes.
4. How does my group encourage all members to share? Do I encourage all members to share? We ask the new people if they want to share. We specifically have it in our opening and closing about inviting to share. We try to limit sharing time so all can participate who want to.
5. How can my group welcome members of other programs and maintain our Al-Anon focus? What can I do to make them welcome? We don't normally discuss other programs. Our opening says to keep focus on Al-Anon. However, some will discuss their personal philosophies, etc. in passing. If they are new, we allow more latitude.
6. Have I alienated anyone that might have needed Al-Anon because I thought another meeting might be better for them? No. However, one member told me that my husband wasn't really welcome there and suggested meetings with more men/couples. I found that extremely offputting!
7. How can I help my group remain open to new ideas while assuring that we not affiliate with any other cause or group? I think it is ok to discuss other ideas with sponsors and on phone calls, but the meetings need to focus on CAL, Al-Anon ideas.
8. Do I leave my other affiliations and interests outside the doors of Al-Anon? Yes.
9. Am I being understanding and encouraging? I believe so. I listen well and nod my head and smile.
10. How can I treat others with acceptance, tolerance, and love? I can be courteous no matter what I think. I can be helpful and kind. I wish to be a blessing to others.
11. Am I accepting myself and others as we are? How? Better with others than with myself. I still tend to be hard on myself - feel I'm not measuring up. Also on my hubby but not so much with others.
12. How can I apply Tradition Three to other areas of my life? My hiking group, my relationships I cannot be all things to all people all the time - I have to remember that.
2. Do I welcome all who attend our meetings even if they are different from me? How can my group be more welcoming of those who are different from us? Yes. I think our group is welcoming. Most of us tend to be middle aged women so others may decide our group is not for them, but we are welcoming.
3. Do I treat each member and potential member with unconditional love? Yes.
4. How does my group encourage all members to share? Do I encourage all members to share? We ask the new people if they want to share. We specifically have it in our opening and closing about inviting to share. We try to limit sharing time so all can participate who want to.
5. How can my group welcome members of other programs and maintain our Al-Anon focus? What can I do to make them welcome? We don't normally discuss other programs. Our opening says to keep focus on Al-Anon. However, some will discuss their personal philosophies, etc. in passing. If they are new, we allow more latitude.
6. Have I alienated anyone that might have needed Al-Anon because I thought another meeting might be better for them? No. However, one member told me that my husband wasn't really welcome there and suggested meetings with more men/couples. I found that extremely offputting!
7. How can I help my group remain open to new ideas while assuring that we not affiliate with any other cause or group? I think it is ok to discuss other ideas with sponsors and on phone calls, but the meetings need to focus on CAL, Al-Anon ideas.
8. Do I leave my other affiliations and interests outside the doors of Al-Anon? Yes.
9. Am I being understanding and encouraging? I believe so. I listen well and nod my head and smile.
10. How can I treat others with acceptance, tolerance, and love? I can be courteous no matter what I think. I can be helpful and kind. I wish to be a blessing to others.
11. Am I accepting myself and others as we are? How? Better with others than with myself. I still tend to be hard on myself - feel I'm not measuring up. Also on my hubby but not so much with others.
12. How can I apply Tradition Three to other areas of my life? My hiking group, my relationships I cannot be all things to all people all the time - I have to remember that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
