Tradition 8: All 12th Step work should remain unprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

1.  Do I willingly share my experience, strength, and hope with those suffering from the disease of alcoholism?  Yes.  I try to share aspects of the programs with everyone who is in distress.  I am working hard to look for a way to be a blessing to someone each day.

2.  Do I ever face a tendency to be a know-it-all?  I mistakenly typed ass instead of all!  That certainly was a Freudian slip.  My dad was one so I find them to be asses and dislike being around that behavior, but I am sure I must admit that once in awhile, I am one also.  I try not to be prideful when sharing information I have.  I like to see myself as a coach, but I know that in my mind I often make judgments about the rightness of someone's attitude, information, or level of knowledge.  I would like to erase this character defect.

3.  At meetings do I speak as an expert or as a fellow member?  I still feel I don't know enough to be an expert and may never feel all that confident so I certainly speak only as a member.  I am often surprised that anything I say is actually helpful to another as I don't feel I have much wisdom to impart.

4.  What are the advantages of a fellowship of equals?  the disadvantages?  I like not feeling that there is a difference in rank as we can then talk honestly and not have to look to someone to be the leader.  Disadvantage:  someone may not step up to be a leader; decisions can be slow

5.  Do I regard other members as experts, perhaps because they are longtime members, very charismatic, or professionals?  I don't know the jobs of most people so that doesn't influence me, but I do see longtime members are experts.  They definitely know the program better than I do.  However, some of those can come across as know it alls which is a turn off.  I think confronting someone for saying something that is not CAL is best done individually instead of making a fuss at the time in the meeting and embarrassing that person. 

6.  Do I ever hold back from sharing because I feel I don't know as much as others?  Not usually.  I share if I feel I need to and give others a chance the days when I don't need to speak.  I was a bit anxious at first, but my need to heal was stronger than the anxiety.

7.  What is the difference between Twelfth Step work and being a special worker?  Special workers are paid to do a specific job.  12th step is my sharing what I know about what it is in the program that has worked for me.  It is giving of my time to others without expecting anything in return.

8.  Am I committed to paying our special workers a fair wage, or do I expect them to give a lot for free as Al-Anon members?  They should be paid fairly for their time.  12th Step work is on their own time and should be separate from their job.

9.  Do I understand what our local and WSO special workers do?  I have a good idea - correspondence, organization of special events, complaint handling.  I don't know specifics.

10.  Do I feel the need to look good or be a perfect model of recovery?  Does that stop me from being humble enough to get the help I need?  I believe a small part of me would like that as I think I would best be able to help others, but at the same time I completely realize there is no perfect model and that I need help to heal and can ask for it.  I can't do this alone.  I will never be perfect.  I will do my best and let God do the rest.

11.  Is someone else's opinion more important than my own?  Not really, but I do appreciate other insights as others see what I may not see.  It is helpful to hear all opinions; then take what I like or feel will help me.

12.  Am I ever Ms.  Al-Anon?  absolutely not

13.  Am I ever judgmental?  Yes, much more than I would ideally be.  The thoughts just automatically pop into my head, and I must fight them.  This is prideful behavior that needs to be eradicated.

14.  Do I take others' inventories?  Absolutely = mainly of those I interact with the most.  No, it is never appropriate.  It is a character defect I am working on.  It takes the focus of my own improvement.

long time no work 6-13-12

I can't easily get to a meeting this week as it's so busy plus I haven't been sleeping well again.  In fact, I don't feel particularly great as my stomach feels like it's filled with air = maybe it's the food being provided, the sugar I've eaten, the supplements - just not sure.

I will be talking to Dale tonight so I'll probably go over the steps again.  I need to do some work again such as the traditions and concepts so that I can get myself ready to be a decent sponsor.  I am afraid about not measuring up or being helpful to another person.